


Another Mystery at St Brendan's

by LestradeIsBae



Category: Original Work
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:19:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 23,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27490342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LestradeIsBae/pseuds/LestradeIsBae
Summary: Following on from the events of The Mystery at St Brendan's, Annaliese and Cal are struggling to come to terms with everything that has happened. They have to deal with this alongside new struggles that they face in their daily life, including new relationships. Things take a turn for the worst when a new mystery presents itself whilst St Brendan's Church are attending a Christian youth camp. Could there be another possession occurring?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This original story was written in April-May 2020. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this story. If you enjoy, please leave Kudos! Feel free to share this story to other sites, as long as you give me credit!

On this exact day, I watched the body of my best friend drop to the floor dead.

He had been a vessel for the spirit of a boy named Ishmoln who had been trapped in the locket my parents sent to me for my birthday.

Ishmoln had taken control of me whilst I held the locket at night, causing me to nearly succeed in killing my former nemesis Shannon, and Cal, my best friend in all the world.

Cal realised that something was going on, and together we found out that Ishmoln wished to be reunited with his mother, Elensha, who was in the village where my parents were working as missionaries and Doctors.

Ishmoln took over Cal with the intention of getting revenge on those who had killed him, but I managed to stop him, and we found Elensha.

Ishmoln removed the locket from around Cal’s neck and gave it to Elensha, but Cal’s body had been exhausted from the energy required to take us to the village, and my parents failed to revive him.

But then Ishmoln used his power to restore time back to my birthday, before anything had gone wrong.

Cal was alive.

I was alive.

We were safe.

It’s the 24th June 2019 again.

And Cal is still here.

But the memories remain.

Those memories of fear, of unknown power, stick to us like glue.

I am afraid.

Cal is afraid.

My parents are afraid.

I’m finding it difficult to go about my day to day life as if nothing has happened.

To everyone else in the world, nothing _has_ happened.

My best friends Fiona, Aoife, Brooklyn and Shannon know nothing of what happened.

They don’t recall a thing.

My teachers and Mrs McGeary, our house manager, don’t remember anything either.

It’s just me, Cal and my parents.

We’re alone in this.


	2. Chapter 2

“Cal’s going to be going to Paris for a few weeks” Dad tells me.

“What?” I ask.

“There’s conferences being held in Paris for Church leaders around the world. It’s a massive event, last week of July, first week of August. Cal’s going, along with Cyril, who’s the new youth and children’s worker”

“He hasn’t told _me_ this”

“Well he only told _us_ earlier” Mum says.

“He can’t go to Paris” I say, feeling the anxiety rise within me.

“Of course he can. He needs a break Anna. I think this will be good for him” Mum says.

Every day I wake up with a burning anxiety running through me that Cal is still dead.

I have nightmare after nightmare about the locket and Ishmoln and Cal.

There hasn’t been a day since then that I haven’t seen him.

Every day after school I’ve gone to his house, even if just for ten minutes, or I’ve gone to the Church.

I can’t get over the fear that one day I’ll look for him and I can’t find him… because he’s gone, forever.

After school on Monday I go to my boarding house, Canterbury, and get changed into fuchsia pink and deep purple bohemian pants and an off the shoulder cream blouse. I brush out my hair which is wavy after I plaited it last night. I pull on my black Dr Martens and head over to the church.

Cal is working till five today, so he’s in the office at the moment.

I go through the main doors of St Brendan’s Church and head to the stairs.

I pass over the space in the floor that I opened up when I had Ishmoln’s power and caused the Guards who were after me to fall to their deaths.

I shiver.

Cal is sitting in his usual chair in the office, his head resting on his hand, staring into space.

He looks lost and almost depressed.

That’s been normal for him over the past month.

“Hey” I say.

Cal looks up.

“Heya” he says, smiling softly.

I go to his side and give him a hug.

“How are you?” Cal asks.

“I’m alright I guess” I reply. “How are you?”

“I’m alright. Just a bit tired” Cal replies.

“What are you working on?” I ask, nodding to the computer.

“It’s Sunday’s sermon… I’m not getting anywhere with it. My heart just isn’t in it at the moment”

“I’ll have a look over it if you want”

“Yeah, that’ll be great”.

I read through what Cal has already.

He’s right.

His heart really isn’t in it at the moment.

His sermons are usually so full of depth and quality, but this is just a ramble of incoherent thoughts.

I take Cal’s seat while he goes and sorts out some paperwork and I start editing the sermon.

We work in silence for a while, and then I decide to bring up Paris.

“My parents said you’re going to Paris” I say to Cal.

“Yeah” Cal replies “I’ve known about the conferences for a while, but Cyril reminded me and he’s going, so it will be a good chance to get to know him before he starts. And the conferences sound really good”

“I don’t want you to go” I murmur.

“What’s that?” Cal asks.

“I really don’t want you to go”.

Cal looks at me concernedly.

“It’ll be ok. What’s worrying you about it?”

“I don’t know. I just… Cal please don’t go”.

Am I actually begging?

What’s up with me?

Cal pulls his chair up to me and gives me a hug.

“It’s only for two weeks, and you’ll be fine. You’ve got your parents here and they’re going to keep you safe”.

I can’t breathe.

I pull away from Cal and put my hand to my chest.

“Hey, it’s ok” Cal says.

I get up, pacing the room.

“I just… you haven’t gone away since all this happened and I’m scared. I still don’t believe everything’s just gone back to normal. I don’t know what to think about _anything_ anymore” I sob.

“I know. I know, I’m feeling the same. I just want to get away for a bit, have some time to reconnect with my faith and process my thoughts. I didn’t know you’d be so upset about it. You don’t have to worry about me”.

I lean against the wall, hitting at it weakly with my fist.

“Hey, don’t do that” Cal says, taking hold of my arm and trying to gently move me away from the wall.

I struggle against him, knocking his hand away from me.

“Woah, woah, it’s alright” Cal says, stepping back. “Hey, I’m not trying to fight you”.

“I’m sorry” I say, guiltily. “I think I should get going”.

“Just wait a few minutes. Try and get your breathing under control. I don’t want you to be on your own at the moment. Let me walk you back to Canterbury”.

I shake my head and I turn and hurry down the stairs.

I’m aware that Cal is following me.

I wipe my eyes hurriedly and when I get outside the church, Shannon is there.

“Hey” she smiles when she sees me.

She sees my face.

“What’s happened?” she asks, concernedly.

“Nothing” I shake my head.

“Where are you off to?” I ask.

“Just heading into town to meet up with Keren and that lot. We’re going out for McDonald’s. There’s a new guy starting in the year above and he's going to be there. His name’s Gavin McCuaig, and he’s got an older brother called Stephen who’s really fit. Do you wanna come with?”

“Yeah sure”.

Cal comes out of the church just as we start walking away.

I ignore him.

I don’t want to think about him going to Paris.

I don’t want to think about anything that’s happened.

I just want to focus on Shannon and having a good time with my friends.

“Did something happen between you and Cal?” Shannon asks me.

“No… no not really… he’s just annoyed me a bit, not really… I don’t know”

“Well we’re gonna have a great time this evening. I’ve been checking out Gavin and Stephen’s Instagram’s and they’re really rich and athletic, and they literally don’t wear anything that isn’t designer. Gavin’s really cute but Stephen’s like really, really out of this world. And as far as I know, neither of them have girlfriends”.

Shannon shows me Gavin’s Instagram and he really is cute. He’s got fluffy dark brown hair and emerald eyes and he wears studded jeans. There’s one photo where he’s shirtless and it shows his perfectly toned body and abs.

I find myself blushing and grinning.

“Cute right?” Shannon asks and I giggle.

She shows me Stephen’s Instagram as well, but he’s not quite my cup of tea. He’s got more of an attitude and is a bit edgy. He’s got a nose piercing and his eyes are a dark brown. His hair is the same colour as Gavin’s but it’s more styled.

I guess he’s ok, but Gavin’s the one for me.

I can’t wait to meet him.


	3. Chapter 3

“Hiya!” Brooklyn appears behind us, wrapping her arms around us both. “Hi Brook… you joining us for McD’s?” Shannon asks. “Sure am. I heard Stephen’s gonna be there and he is _everything_ ” “Have you met him in person yet?” “Yep. I’ve met him and Gavin, and I’ve been chatting to him online as well. We did a Skype last night” “Wow… what are they like in person?” “Stephen’s really, really my type. He says I’m really gorgeous. I think he likes me. He’s quite mysterious I guess, like I think he only lets certain people see who he truly is deep down… but I think I’ve got a glimpse of it. He’s so sweet to me”. Shannon looks a bit jealous and bites her bottom lip. “What about Gavin?” she asks. “Yeah, he’s really nice. He’s so cute, but Stephen’s just so much more _mature._ I think I’ve got a thing for older guys” Brooklyn says. I roll my eyes.

We get to McDonald’s and I recognise Gavin from his photos straight away. “Hey guys” Brooklyn says, and Stephen puts his arm around her. “Hey babe” he says, kissing her head. Shannon and I look at each other and raise our eyebrows. Gavin gives a shy wave and I meet his eye. He’s as cute in person as he is on Instagram. I grin. “Hi. I’m Annaliese” I say. “Gavin” he replies, shaking my hand. “And I’m Shannon” Shannon says, jumping in between us and shaking Gavin’s hand too. We order our food. I have medium fries with a cheeseburger and a 7UP. Gavin has the same as me. We sit next to each other, and I feel butterflies in my stomach. It’s a good feeling though. I haven’t really felt like this before. I used to have the biggest crush of all time on Justin Bieber, but I’ve never liked a boy in real life. “Where are you from?” I ask Gavin. “We’ve lived in a few places. I was born in Dublin, but we lived in Belfast for a while and then Cumbria, and then back to Dublin. My parents are about to start doing some work in the States. They’re both doctors and they’re going to be involved with a research program out there. They wanted us to finish our education in Ireland, which Stephen’s pretty bitter about. How long have you been at St Brendan’s?” “I started when I was 11 but I’ve only been boarding this year. My parents are doctors too. They were doing missionary work in a village in South East Asia, but they’ve just come back. I’m not sure yet if I’ll be boarding next year” “I’ve been boarding since I was 11” says Shannon. “My Mum lives about two hours away with my younger brothers and my Dad has to travel a lot for his job” “Ah fair” Gavin says. “Annaliese, do you have Instagram?” he asks. “Yeah I do” I say. “It’s Annaliese O’Ceallaigh” I spell my name out for him and he brings up my profile, clicking to follow me. I follow him back. “I’ve got Instagram too” Shannon says, and Gavin doesn’t look particularly interested, but he gives her a follow as well. “Are you doing anything this weekend?” Gavin asks me. “I have dance Saturday morning and church on Sunday morning. And I think I’ll be going to my parents on Sunday afternoon” “I was wondering if you’d like to go to the Science Museum with me?” Gavin asks, and then blushes. “I’m sorry, that sounds so cringy. I’ve just heard that there’s a space exhibition there which sounds kind of cool” “Yeah that sounds great…Is Saturday afternoon okay?” I ask. “Yeah. You sure it’s something you’ll enjoy?” Gavin asks, and I nod. “Yeah, I haven’t been to the museum in a while, so it’ll be nice to have a look around again. I’m really into art and there’s a gallery quite locally that we could maybe go to the weekend after?” I suggest. “Sounds great”. I grin at Gavin and he grins back. Shannon’s looking bored, and a bit moody. I try and include her in conversation, but she gets chatting to some of the other girls we’re with and they go outside to smoke. Stephen and Brooklyn go with them. I raise my eyebrows when I see Brooklyn smoking. “Well that’s a first” I murmur. “Yeah, I’m not really into that kind of thing. I like to look after my health I guess” Gavin says. “Yeah, same… Do you do any sports?” “I do a bit of everything. I was on the football team at my old school. That’s my favourite sport. But I do cricket and rounders and baseball. I love golf as well. I’ve heard there’s a golf course near here, so that’s something to do. I also go to the gym a few times a week” “Wow. I do dance and that’s it. It can be quite a workout though. I do ballet, jazz and contemporary classes. And I play the flute. And I do a lot of art and painting. I also help out at church a lot, like doing the children’s work” “Oh cool. I’ve already signed up for the camp at the end of August, Renew” “Oh really? We’re all going on that. It’s honestly the highlight of my year” “Is it like a mixture between church and a festival?” “Basically yeah. It’s great fun. Have you met Reverend McCluskey yet?” “No, I haven’t” “He’s my Godfather, and my best friend…” I trail off when I start thinking about Cal and earlier. “Are you ok?” Gavin asks. “Yes, sorry, just getting lost in thought”.

Once we finish our food we hang around outside with the rest of the group, and then it’s time to head back to Canterbury House. Brooklyn and Stephen kiss for almost a whole minute. She’s acting a bit drunk and I see a few cans of beer on the table she was sitting at outside. “I’ll see you on Saturday” Gavin says, and he gives me a quick hug. I feel myself blush. Shannon has her arms crossed and she’s looking away from us all. I feel a bit bad for her. But I’m so, so happy that Gavin’s asked me out this weekend. He seems so lovely.

“Are you ok?” I ask Shannon as we walk. She smiles at me. “Yeah… yeah I’m good. I’m happy for you, really. Gavin seems really sweet” “Not as sweet as Stephen” Brooklyn says, swaying and crashing into us. “Are you drunk Brook?” I ask. “Drunk in love” she giggles. “Stephen’s friends had some alcohol on them” Shannon says. “I had a little bit of cider, but it wasn’t too nice… Brooklyn had several cans and she’s never touched a drop of alcohol before this evening” “You’ll have to get upstairs quickly when we get back. I think Mrs McGeary will be able to tell” I say to Brooklyn. “Drink some of this” Shannon says, handing Brooklyn her water bottle. She manages to sober up a bit by the time we’re back at Canterbury, but we all head upstairs anyway. We go to Shannon’s room and Fiona and Aoife join us. We watch some fashion videos on YouTube and chat about Gavin and Stephen. “Stephen sounds like such a bad boy” Fiona gushes, nudging Brooklyn. “And you seem to have scored with Gavin” she says to me. “Maybe we should go on a double date, or a triple date. Josh has been a bit boring lately. All he wants to do is play his games. It’ll be good to get him out doing something” “Well I suggested going to the gallery next week. And Gavin mentioned he might like to go to the golf course so that could be quite fun. I’ll see how this Saturday goes. It’s going to be so weird. I’ve never been on a date before” I say. “You’ll have a great time hun” Fiona says, putting her arm around me. I grin. I can’t wait until Saturday.


	4. Chapter 4

On Saturday morning I go to contemporary class and we start working on our competition piece. There’s twenty of us in this class, eighteen girls and two boys. We all sit on the floor as Dinah, our teacher, addresses us. “Our piece is going to be based on the novel and film the Exorcist” Dinah says. “Our lead dancer will be taking the role of Regan, the little girl who gets possessed. I’d like you all to do some research into the Exorcist to get a good idea of the story, but I’m not suggesting you actually watch the film. Our lead dancer for this piece, I am delighted to reveal, will be Annaliese”. My mouth drops open and everyone applauds. Normally I’d be over the moon… but I can’t do this piece. There’s no way I can do this piece. My mouth has gone so dry that I can’t speak. I give a weak grin to Dinah and she moves on to discussing what everyone else will be doing. How am I going to get out of this?

After dance I’m feeling all shaken up. I go to Canterbury and get changed into a black sleeveless turtleneck, tight blue jeans and my black Dr Martens. I tie my hair back into a ponytail and put on some makeup. I have lunch and then I get the bus to the Science Museum. It takes about half an hour and I put on my purple headphones and listen to Justin Bieber’s Purpose album. Gavin meets me outside the museum. He’s wearing his studded jeans and a Coldplay _‘Head Full of Dreams’_ t-shirt, and designer sneakers patterned with roses. He grins when he sees me and gives me a hug. “How are you?” he asks. “I’m great now that I’m here with you. How are you?” I ask. “Same here. I can’t wait to check out the exhibition”. We go into the museum and work our way through each of the floors. There are four floors in total and the space exhibition is on the third floor. There are all sorts of amazing things in here. There’s a copper wire that you can bite down on and if you put your fingers in your ears you can hear the radio. There’s old cars and machines. We go to a fun talk and the scientist puts me inside a bubble which is the coolest thing ever. The space exhibition really is the best part of the day though. We go into a room where the constellations and planets are projected on the walls. It’s just Gavin and I in here and it feels truly magical. We look at each other and Gavin’s emerald eyes are reflected against the light. Before I know what’s happening our lips have locked. His lips are soft, and his breath is minty fresh. I feel like I’m in heaven.

We go on a simulator ride where we are in a rocket going up to space and it’s so believable that I clasp hold of Gavin’s hand, holding my breath. We finish looking around the whole museum an hour before closing time. “Do you want to get dinner in the restaurant?” Gavin asks. “Yes please” I reply. We have fish and chips with salt and vinegar and glasses of lemonade. Gavin pays for both of us which is the sweetest thing ever. “Thank you for the best day ever” I say. “You’re welcome. It’s been amazing. Thank you” Gavin replies. “I realise that although I asked if you’d like to come here with me, I haven’t formally asked you… y’know… if you want to be my girlfriend” Gavin says. “So… will you be my girlfriend?”. I look at Gavin and he’s blushing so much but it’s adorable. His hair is in his eyes slightly and he’s looking at me with so much hope. I take his hand. “Of course, I will”.

I get the bus back to school and the girls are eager to hear about my day. “Oh, it was _amazing_ ” I say. “We looked all around the museum and the space exhibition was the best thing ever. There was this room with stars and planets projected on the walls and it was just us two in there… and we _kissed_ ”. Fiona squeals. “Oh my God, you kissed _already?!_ I’m telling you Anna, he’s a keeper”. “And then he bought me dinner as well. He literally is the most perfect guy in the world”. “Have you got another date lined up?” Aoife asks. “Yes. Next Saturday we’re going to the gallery. And Fiona, you and Josh are welcome to come and along and make it a double date” “Oh yes!” Fiona says, punching the air. Shannon looks moody, and I feel a bit bad for her. I know she had her eye on both Gavin and Stephen and she’s missed out. “And I think the Saturday after we’re going to go and check out the golf course” I add, quickly. “There’s a crazy golf course there that’s themed like a pirate ship so that could be a pretty cool thing for us to do as a group. What do you all think?” I ask. Shannon perks up a bit and nods. “That sounds cool”. Fiona, Aoife and Brooklyn nod too. “Can Stephen join us?” Brooklyn asks. “Yeah sure” I reply.

Gavin quickly becomes the most important thing in my life. He comes to church on Sunday and we sit together when I’m not doing the children’s work, and he comes to Engage on Tuesday nights as well. I barely say a word to Cal. I’m still somewhat annoyed at him. I don’t know if that’s reasonable. It just hurts too much to think of him going away. I almost feel betrayed.

Gavin, Fiona, Josh and I go to the Art Gallery the following Saturday and there’s an exhibition of Mauro Perucchetti’s work, which costs extra. I’ve never heard of him before, but Gavin’s seen his work in Harrods, and he pays for us all to go in. Amazing is an understatement. There are giant jelly baby sculptures including a jelly baby family made out of pigmented resin. The father jelly baby is light blue, the mother is a medium shade of purple, the twin children are yellow and orange, and the small child is dark purple. There is a clear cross with jelly babies encapsulated inside of it, and a pink jelly baby buddha. There is a toilet roll covered in Swarovski crystals, crystal figures and colourful crystal apples. I buy a large portfolio of Mauro Perucchetti’s work to give me some inspiration for my own art.

The Saturday after that Gavin, Fiona, Josh, Shannon, Aoife, Brooklyn, Stephen and I go to the golf course. Gavin is wearing a royal blue Armani tracksuit and Dolce and Gabbana sneakers. He looks incredible. He gives me a hug and I can smell his perfume. I’m wearing my favourite Carolina Herrera ‘ _Good Girl’_ perfume today and faded blue jeans, a floral crop top and comfy Ellesse trainers. Gavin is a pro at crazy golf. He gets several hole-in-one’s and so does Stephen. My best score is three, which is still pretty good. Shannon’s pretty hopeless but she’s never been all that into sports. Brooklyn pretends she doesn’t have a clue how to hold the club so that Stephen can help her with it. They spend all their time whilst waiting for their go kissing. I climb up a tree whilst waiting for my go and Gavin climbs up beside me. “Ooh” Fiona says. “Anna and Gavin sitting in a tree, K.I.S.S.I.N.G!” she sings. Gavin gives me a quick kiss and I blush. Gavin wins the game, with Stephen coming a close second. I come third, which I’m pretty pleased about. “Well done” I say to Gavin, hugging him. “You too” he replies. I grin, my heart warm. Things seem to be looking up. There’s still a sinking feeling in my chest when I think about Cal and all the horrible things that happened. But Gavin’s making everything better. School is over for the summer now, so I’ve got more time to spend with him. I just hope things keep going well.


	5. Chapter 5

“Cal’s coming to stay round at ours on Saturday night. Dad’s going to give him a lift to the airport first thing Sunday morning” Mum says. “Why does he have to stay round here?” I ask. “He doesn’t _have_ to, but we’re closer to the airport so we reckoned it would be a good idea. It’ll save him the hour and a half drive at three in the morning” Mum replies. I shrug. “Cal says you’ve barely said a word to him the past few weeks” Mum says. I grunt. She sits at my side. “I don’t think you’ve got any idea just how much he cares about you. He’s really struggling at the moment and he’s worried that he’s really upset you by deciding to go away” “He _has_ ” “Yes, but he’s not doing it to upset you. He needs a break, and this is a great opportunity for him. It’s only for two weeks. It’s not fair of you to push him away when all he’s done is look after you. Without him, who knows what could have happened?” “I don’t want to think about that” “I know… I know. But none of this is his fault”. I sigh. “I’m just scared” I say, my voice cracking. “Cal’s going to be completely fine. I’ve got to admit, _I’ve_ been a bit concerned about him, but I honestly believe he’s going to have a great time. And _you’re_ going to be fine too. You’ve got us and you’ve got a great group of friends around you. And things are going well with Gavin, right?” “Yeah” I nod. Maybe everything will be fine. But there’s still a twisting feeling in my stomach.

I decide to get the bus to church to go and see Cal. I need to apologise to him. I sit at the back of the bus, my headphones on, listening to Anne-Marie. Sunlight streams through the window and I take a selfie. I’ve been thinking about dyeing my hair black. I’m not sure how it would look, but I’m kind of bored of the blonde. I haven’t experimented with my hair much in the past. I’ve had it long for as long as I can remember. I’m not sure I want to go short, but it could definitely do with a bit of a trim. Anne Marie’s _Do it Right_ plays and I drum my fingers against the window. My nails are getting quite long too. Now that it’s summer I can get acrylic nails. I’m thinking of having magenta with glitter on my pinkies and plum on the rest. And I could braid my hair and get beads to match my nails. I smile at that thought.

I feel a bit nervous walking into church. I always feel uncomfortable here now because this is where I killed the Guards. I saw one of them recently. He was just stopping off at the supermarket and I recognised him instantly. I remembered the look on his face as the fire I created burnt him to a crisp. I swallow the lump in my throat. I head upstairs and Cal is sitting at his desk, his head resting on his clasped hands. He hasn’t heard me approach. I see a tear trickle down his cheek, and I duck back out of sight. “Hello?” Cal asks weakly, looking up. “It’s alright, it’s just me” I say, stepping into the office. Cal wipes his eyes quickly. I get to his side and hug him tightly. We don’t say anything for a few minutes and then I pull a swivel chair over and sit beside Cal, holding his arm. “Are you alright?” I ask softly. Cal nods. “Yeah… just a bit overwhelmed, that’s all” “Is it my fault?” “No, no, not at all” “I’m sorry I’ve been so stupid the last few weeks. I don’t want to make anything worse. And I’m not really mad at you. I’m just scared” “I know, it’s ok”. I rest my head on Cal’s shoulder. “I just want all these memories to go away. In dance, we’re getting ready for our competition in October, and we’re doing a piece based on the Exorcist and they gave me the part of the girl who gets possessed. I feel like everyone knows. And I’m so scared it’s going to happen again” “Oh sweetie. I don’t believe anything like that is going to happen again. Those sorts of things are so rare. And what happened to you was insane, I’ve never heard of anything like that happening. Ishmoln’s back with his mother and she’s got the locket safe with her. We’re going to be alright”. We sit in silence for a while and then I sit myself up, forcing a smile onto my face. “Have you got anything you want me to look over? I could do with the distraction” “Thankfully I’ve got a few weeks off of doing sermons whilst I’m away. But Cyril’s sent me over a schedule for the children’s work starting in the next term. He’s got some great ideas. And he’s really looking forward to meeting you. I’ve been emailing him quite a bit. I mentioned how good you are at leading the All Age Services”. I smile. Cal brings up the schedule on his computer and it looks pretty good. I add a few of my own suggestions and highlight the sessions I’d most like to lead. “How’s everything going with Gavin?” Cal asks. “Your parents told me you’ve been out with him a few times”. “Yeah, he’s great. We went to the Science Museum for our first date and there was a space exhibition and a simulator ride that was like a rocket ship. And then we went with Fiona and Josh to the art gallery, and then we went out as a big group to play crazy golf. He’s the nicest boy I’ve ever met in my life” “That’s great. I’m really glad you’ve got a good support network around you. I hope things keep going well with Gavin too. I’ve had a few chats with him over the last few weeks and he does seem like a really nice lad”.

I stay with Cal for a few hours and then head home. On Saturday he comes over and Mum makes us chicken tikka masala for dinner. Mum, Dad and Cal have a glass of wine and I have a glass of white grape Shloer. We then sit down on the sofas to watch _Madeline._ I’ve always loved this film, and it’s set in Paris too so it’s good to see where Cal will be over the next few weeks. I have been to Paris before with Mum and Dad, but it was when I was four and I can hardly remember a thing about it. The best holiday we’ve ever been on was to New York when I was 12. We saw Motown the Musical on Broadway and went on the Staten Island Ferry to see the Statue of Liberty. We went shopping in Macy’s and walked around Central Park. We went up to the top of the Empire State Building and looked over the city and it was just magical. I wish for a moment that I could go back to then, back to being 12, without a real care in the world. But things are ok now. I’ve got Gavin, and I’ve got Fiona, Aoife, Brooklyn and Shannon. And my parents are home. And in two weeks Cal will be back and I can stop worrying. Hopefully.

I get into bed at ten and watch some videos of Bella Thorne on YouTube. She’s my favourite actress of all time and I could spend all day, every day watching her interviews, music videos and movies, and scrolling through her Instagram photos. I eventually settle to sleep at about half eleven. I have a good dream, for the first time in ages.

_Gavin and I are in a ballroom. There’s a glittering disco ball hanging from the ceiling and it reflects the rainbow lights on the walls, creating a kaleidoscope effect. I’m wearing a beautiful floral pink and cream dress with matching heels identical to what Bella Thorne was wearing in one of the videos I was watching before bed. Gavin is wearing a pale pink suit with his amazing rose sneakers. We’re waltzing across the floor and there’s no one else here so we’ve got all the space we need. The rainbow lights shine off of Gavin’s emerald eyes and he leans in and kisses me gently._

In the early hours of the morning, I hear my door open and I open my eyes slightly. Mum comes over to my bedside. “Dad’s just taking Cal to the airport now” she says. “Do you want to say goodbye?” “He can come here” I mumble. Mum beckons Cal in and he comes over to my side. “You know you can message me at any time, right?”. I nod. Cal squeezes my shoulder and kisses my head gently. “I love you” he says. “I love you too” I mumble, falling back to sleep already.


	6. Chapter 6

When I wake up in the morning I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness that won’t go away no matter how much I try to think of Gavin and my friends, and all the good times I’ve had recently. I feel like there’s a giant weight on my chest. I lie in bed for an hour, scrolling through Instagram and messaging Gavin. He asks if I want to go out somewhere, but I’m not really up for anything.

I go downstairs at 11, still in my pyjamas, and have a late breakfast. Mum makes me pancakes with banana and caramel syrup, and a glass of orange juice. “How are you feeling?” Mum asks. “A bit low” I reply. “Cal’s already arrived in Paris. He’s got settled into the hotel and met up with Cyril” Mum says. I nod. “Just try and have a good few weeks. You’ve got plenty of people to spend time with. You can message Cal whenever, but maybe try and distract yourself” Mum says. “Ok” I reply, nodding again. I don’t think anything can distract me from thinking about Cal. Not even Gavin.

I spend a few days chilling out at home. I put on some music and sort out my room. It still feels weird being at home. I decided to spend the summer here rather than at school, though I’m free to go to the school site and Canterbury House if I want to. I don’t know if I want to go back to boarding in September. Dad is working at the hospital as he did before he and Mum went to South East Asia, though he’s only working part-time at the moment. Mum used to work at the hospital too but she’s working from home at the moment and assisting with a medical research project. I don’t message Cal at all. I’m too scared to. I’m scared that I’ll message, and he won’t answer… because something terrible has happened. He’s sent the conference schedule to us, so we know when he’s free if I need to call him. Mum and Dad have both messaged Cal to check in on him and they say he’s having a great time. I suppose I should be going out and trying to enjoy myself, but I feel drained.

I go into the garden and have a look in the shed. My bike is in there. I haven’t used it in about a year. It’s dark purple with an aqua blue rose pattern. I pull it out and give it a quick go around the garden. I’m a bit wobbly but I can still ride. I phone Gavin. “Hey” he answers straight away. “Hiya. How are you?” “All good. How about you?” “I’m ok. Do you have a bike by any chance?” “I do indeed” “I’ve just found my old bike and it’s still in relatively decent condition. Fancy going for a ride, maybe Friday?” “Yeah, of course”.

I message Fiona to ask if she wants to go out tomorrow. I think I want to go to town and get my hair and nails done. That might help me to feel better. Fiona messages back “I’m totally up for that!” and I smile. On Thursday morning I get dressed into my bohemian pants, a black and purple beaded crop top and my black Dr Martens. I meet Fiona at Shakeaway in town. I have a Skittles milkshake and Fiona has a Jaffa Cake milkshake. “How’ve you been?” Fiona asks. “I’m alright. I had a few days of rest and I think it’s time to get out and enjoy the summer now. And I’ve got to look cute to do that” “Same here girl”. We go to the nail salon first. Fiona gets emerald green nails with glittery gold pinkies. I get plum with glittery magenta pinkies, just like I imagined. We then go to the best hairdressers in town. Fiona gets a bob cut which looks absolutely stunning. It’s quite a drastic change as her hair has been long for ages, but it’s not as drastic as what I get done. I decide to get my hair dyed black. I have it trimmed to just below my shoulders and crimped, and then I have a few strands close to my face on either side braided with beads to match my nails. I smile at myself in the mirror and I’m in love with my new look. It’s so different to what I’m used to, but it’s exactly what I want.

On Friday morning I get dressed into my Ellesse joggers, sports bra and trainers. I grab a small over-the-shoulder bag to hold my water bottle and phone, and then I get on my bike and ride into town. I meet Gavin by the river that runs through the town centre. We put our bikes down for a minute to hug. “It feels like I haven’t seen you in ages. You look beautiful. I mean, you looked beautiful before, but I’m loving your new look” Gavin says. “Thanks. Yeah, I was feeling lazy at the beginning of the week. But I’m all good now. I’ve had my rest, and I’m ready to have a great summer”. Gavin grins. “So where are we off on our adventures?” he asks. “There’s a really nice route alongside the river and through the nature reserve. It takes us out to the other side of town and there’s an outdoor gym with a Domino’s just five minutes away from it” “Sounds perfect”. We get on our bikes and head off. We chat most of the time, but we also enjoy listening to the sounds of the birds and the crickets in the nature reserve. The sun is bright and streaming down between the trees. It’s the perfect day for a bike ride. It takes about half an hour to get to the park and the gym. Despite it being a warm summer’s day, the park isn’t busy at all, so Gavin and I park our bikes and we take turns pushing each other on the swings. There’s a few steps down to a shallow part of the river where I used to play when I was little. “Do you fancy going for a paddle?” I ask, almost jokingly, but Gavin’s eyes light up. “You bet I do”. I roll up my joggers and take my trainers and socks off. The water is freezing. I flick water at Gavin playfully and it turns into a water fight until we’re both soaked. We giggle sheepishly, looking at each other. And then Gavin starts wrestling me and I squeal. We both end up falling in the water, and getting even more soaked, if that’s even possible. We sit in the water, laughing our heads off. Eventually, Gavin gets up and gives me his hand to pull me up. We lie down on the grass to dry off and look up at the clouds. “What do you see in the clouds?” I ask. “Hmm” Gavin squints and tilts his head. “That one there looks like a unicorn”. I splutter with laughter. “It looks more like a Narwhal” I say. “That one looks like a cross” Gavin says, pointing. It really does. It’s almost a perfect cross. I rest my head against Gavin’s chest, and he puts his arm around me. I smile slightly as I realise that I’ve been having the best day ever… and I haven’t thought about Cal once. Until now. I suddenly feel a pang of emotion. I will myself not to start crying. I sit myself up. “Are you ok?” Gavin asks softly. “I don’t know… I don’t feel great” I mumble, trying to take deep breaths. Gavin sits up quickly and puts his hand on my shoulder. “What’s wrong?” “I… I’ve just been struggling a bit this week, because of Cal being away” “Are you missing him?” “Yeah, but it’s not just that… he… he hasn’t been away since… since something really horrible that happened recently… he helped me through a really difficult time. He said I could message him at any time, but I’ve been too scared to. I’m scared that if I do, he won’t answer because something’s happened to him”. Gavin hugs me gently. “It’s ok. I’m sure he’s absolutely fine. Do you think he’ll be free at the moment for you to give him a call?” “Yeah, I think he’ll be on lunch break” “Why don’t you phone him now? Just to check in. Hopefully that will make you feel a bit better”. I nod shakily. I dial Cal’s number. _Please let him answer._


	7. Chapter 7

The phone rings and rings and Cal isn’t answering. He’s not answering. He’s not answering. My breathing starts to quicken, and my stomach starts churning. I throw my phone down in frustration. “Anna, it’s ok” Gavin says, squeezing my shoulder. “I can’t breathe” I start sobbing and Gavin takes hold of my hands. “It’s ok. Anna, listen to my voice. Try and focus on me. Have you had a panic attack before?”. I nod. “I know how horrible they are, trust me. I’ve had them too. But no matter how horrible it feels right now, you _will_ get through it. I’m sure Cal’s fine. I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason why he didn’t answer” “He finishes his morning seminar at twelve and it’s quarter to one now. He doesn’t have anything else till three” “Ok, but maybe he’s having lunch and hasn’t heard his phone. He may not be expecting you to phone if you haven’t done since he’s been away” “This is my fault; I should have phoned every day. If something’s happened to him-”. My phone rings and I jump. It’s Cal. “There you go, see” Gavin says. He picks up the phone for me because my hands are shaking so much. “Hello?” “Hey sweetie, I’m so sorry, I didn’t hear the phone”. Cal can hear me crying. “Are you alright darling?” “Yeah… I was just so scared” “It’s ok. I’m fine honey, honestly. Everything’s going well. Where are you right now?” “I’m out with Gavin. We’ve had a really great morning. We went for a bike ride and then we went paddling in the river” “That sounds fun” “Yesterday I dyed my hair black and got it cut” “Oh wow, that’s a change. I’m looking forward to seeing that” “I’ll send you a photo. How has it all been, anyway?” “It’s all going great. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Cyril and he’s a lovely guy, you’ll really get on with him. We’ve been seeing all the sights, and the conferences have been amazing too. I think you’d really enjoy them. They’re being recorded so I’ll send you over the link if you want a listen” “Yeah please… I’m really glad you’re ok” “Go and enjoy your day honey. Message me any time you want, and I’ll answer as soon as I can” “Ok” “I love you” “Love you too”. I hang up and turn to Gavin. “I’m so sorry for all that. I don’t know what got into me” “Hey, it’s ok, don’t worry. Are you feeling better now?” “Yeah, much better” “Good. I know what it’s like, feeling like that. It’s horrible, but it always passes”. Gavin hugs me and I hug him back tightly. My stomach rumbles. “I think it’s time for pizza” I say. “Yep” Gavin replies, and we go over to Domino’s. We sit on a bench and share a medium pineapple. It is delicious. We let our food go down and do some more cloud gazing. Then we go to the outdoor gym and Gavin shows me his work-out routine. “Do you know what you want to do when you leave school?” I ask. “I think I want to be an aerospace engineer” Gavin replies. “I’m really into space, obviously, so designing spacecraft and doing research seems like something I could really enjoy. What about you?” “That’s so cool. I’m thinking about doing a degree in Theology, maybe at a Theological College. I’m thinking about studying in England. I don’t know if I’d want to be a minister or anything like that, but maybe I’d do youth and children’s work” “Yeah, you’d be great at that”. I smile. “Do you think you’ll keep up dance as well?” Gavin asks. “Yeah, yeah I think I’ll try and keep dancing for as long as I’m physically able” “How’s your lead role going?”. I don’t even want to think about that. “It’s great” I lie. We don’t speak any more on that subject. I think Gavin can tell something’s up, though he’ll never know why this dance is so difficult for me.

We get back on our bikes at about 3 and we take a slow peddle back to the town centre. “Thank you so much for a great day” Gavin says as we prepare to go our separate ways. “No, thank _you._ You’re amazing. And thanks so much for helping me out earlier. I hope I didn’t ruin the mood too much” “Of course not”. Gavin hugs me and then looks at me like he wants to say something else. He blushes and looks down at the ground. “I love you” he says as he looks up. My eyes widen slightly. “I love you too” I say, kissing him. Gavin grins.

On Sunday I go to church and I’m helping to lead the All Age Service. It feels so weird with Cal not being here. Afterwards, I go out for lunch with Gavin, Shannon, Fiona, Josh, Aoife, Brooklyn and Stephen. We go to Subway and I have an Oven Roast Chicken sub and I share nachos with Gavin. “Can I come and hang out at yours tomorrow?” Shannon asks me. “Yeah of course” I reply. She smiles softly at me. I still feel kind of bad for her. I hope she’s not mad at me for dating Gavin. Aoife’s single as well, so it’s not like Shannon’s the only one of us without a boyfriend.

Shannon gets to mine at ten in the morning and I’m still in bed. “Anna, Shannon’s here!” Mum shouts up to me. I roll out of bed and hurry downstairs. “Sorry” I say. “Nah, it’s ok. I got here earlier than I intended to” Shannon replies. She’s wearing a bright pink crop top, sequined black jeans and Dolce and Gabbana sneakers. “Do you want anything to eat or drink?” I ask. “Yeah, sure, let’s see what you’ve got”. I make myself Coco Pops and a strawberry and banana smoothie and Shannon has a blueberry smoothie and some Hobnobs. We go to my room and I get dressed into my bohemian pants and my black sleeveless turtleneck and we watch a few episodes of Gossip Girl. “Can I practice some makeup on you?” Shannon asks. “Yeah sure” I reply. “I think I want to be a make-up artist after school. I want to work in film and TV” “You can do my makeup for my competition in October. I’ve got to look like Regan from the Exorcist… when she’s possessed obviously”. Shannon laughs. “Yeah I’m up for that. Can I do Harley Quinn makeup on you now?”. I nod. Shannon gets out a whole load of makeup from her bag. She starts with foundation, slightly lighter than what I’d use if I ever wore it. Then she picks up her rainbow palette and starts with a medium shade of blue around one eye, and then a red around the other. Then she does my eyebrows and black eyeliner, and false lashes. She takes the liquid eyeliner and delicately draws a heart under my red eye and underneath that writes ‘ _Rotten’._ “If your hair was still blonde then I’d spray the ends red and blue and you’d look exactly like Harley Quinn” Shannon says. She does my hair in bunches anyway, with my braided strands hanging down loose beside my face. “You look like an emo Harley Quinn” Shannon giggles. She takes some photos and shows me and I grin. “I love it” I say. Shannon sends me the photos and I upload them to Instagram with the caption _Rotten._ Gavin’s the first to like the post. “Things are really going well with you and Gavin, aren’t they?” Shannon asks. She sounds upset almost. “Yeah, he’s great. He’s honestly the best boyfriend I could ever ask for”. Shannon nods. We don’t say anything for a few moments. The silence starts to get awkward so I ask, “Are you ok?”. “Yeah I’m fine” “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”. Shannon looks uncomfortable. “I’m not sure I can talk to you about _this_ ” “Try me. I won’t get mad at you or anything”. Shannon takes a deep breath in and looks me in the eye. “Anna, I really like you”.


	8. Chapter 8

I swallow. “As in, I _really_ like you”. Before I know what’s happening Shannon is kissing me, and I’m almost kissing her back. What am I doing? I put a hand on Shannon’s shoulder. “Shannon, wait… I like Gavin” “I know… I know you do. I’m sorry”. “How long have you felt like this?” I ask. “A long time” “Oh Shan… you should’ve told me sooner” “We weren’t even friends a few months ago. Everytime you’re nice to me it just hurts. But even when I was horrible to you, you were still nice” “I could never be mean to you” “I know, that’s what makes you so loveable” “I’m flattered, honestly. And if I had known before I met Gavin, then maybe things would be different”. Shannon looks at me. “Seriously? Oh God, I think that makes me feel even worse” “I’m sorry”. I feel awful about this. What do I even say to her? My mouth starts speaking before I have a clue what I’m saying. “Maybe I could be with both of you”. Oh no. What on earth made me say that? Shannon looks shocked. “I don’t know if Gavin would be ok with that” Shannon says. “No, me neither… but maybe he doesn’t have to know”. I kiss Shannon and she kisses me back. There’s a painful guilt rising in my chest but I push it down.

After Shannon goes home I sit in my room staring into space. I’m an idiot. I’m a complete idiot. On Friday Gavin told me he loved me. And I said it back. And now I’ve just gone and cheated on him. I lie back on my bed and sigh deeply. I consider ringing Cal but I feel so nauseous that I don’t think I could even speak right now. I decide that I’m going to spend the rest of the week at home. Cal’s coming back on Saturday night and I’ll see him at church on Sunday, if I feel up to going. Until then I want to be alone. I need time to think about what I’m going to do. What if Shannon tells Gavin? I’ve messed up. I’ve messed up so much.

“Is everything ok at the moment?” Mum asks as we have dinner on Thursday night. “Yeah” I reply, unconvincingly. “What’s up?” “I did something stupid” “Do you want to talk about it?” “I don’t know” “You’ve been really quiet the last few days. I know you were struggling with Cal being away, but you did really well to go out and enjoy yourself at the end of last week. You’ve been out of sorts since Shannon came around on Monday” “Mm” “How have things been between you two?” “I don’t know” “She hasn’t started on you again, has she?” “No… no, quite the opposite” “Is she being _too_ friendly?” “Well you could say that”. Mum raises her eyebrows. “Ah”. Then she looks confused. “Really?” “Yeah, really” “What did she say?” “She said that she really likes me… and then she kissed me” “Oh wow” “Yep” “What did you say?” “I said that I like Gavin… and she told me she’s felt this way for a while… and I felt bad, and then _I_ kissed _her_ ” “Right… have you told Gavin?” “No. No, I don’t want to do that” “What are you planning to do?” “I said to Shannon that I could be with both of them… and Gavin wouldn’t have to know. What possessed me to say that?”. I realise what I’ve just said and my head sinks into my hands. “I didn’t mean to say possessed” “No, I know honey, it’s just a figure of speech. You’re not possessed. This is a fairly normal thing to deal with at your age” “I can’t believe I cheated on Gavin though, after how lovely he’s been” “Then you should tell Shannon that your kiss was a mistake… if that’s what you feel” “It isn’t though. I mean, I feel guilty, and I feel like I shouldn’t have done it… but it did mean something… I think. I’m not going to meet up with either of them until I’ve got this sorted in my mind. I’m such an idiot” “You’re not an idiot. You’re a teenager. And you’re a teenager who’s recently had to deal with something unimaginable. You can’t be too hard on yourself at the moment”. Maybe Mum’s right. But I still feel so guilty.

On Saturday morning Mum knocks on my bedroom door. “Anna, Shannon’s here”. She opens my door. “Were you expecting her?” “No” I mumble, rolling out of bed and pulling on my dressing gown. “I can tell her you’re still in bed if you want?” “It’s ok”. I go downstairs and Shannon’s standing at the door. She’s wearing a dark blue sports bra and jogging bottoms with her Dolce and Gabbana sneakers, and her wavy hair is tied in a ponytail. She smiles when she sees me. “Hey” I give her a hug. “Hiya” she replies, hugging me back. “I just wanted to come and check in on you” she says. “Aw, I’m ok”. We go up to my room and sit on my bed. “Do you regret what happened on Monday?” Shannon asks. I sigh. “I don’t know. I feel bad because I’m with Gavin… but it really did mean something to me. I don’t know what to do” “I’d understand if you said it can’t happen again. As much as I wish we could be together… I know you’re happy with Gavin” “I don’t know what I want” “I’m guessing you haven’t told Gavin?” “No… I don’t think I will. But I don’t know how I can just pretend nothing’s happened. I owe it to him to be honest with him. But I don’t want to lose him. He’s been so great” “We could just put it down to a silly mistake… even though that’s not how we feel… and you see how things go with Gavin. If things keep going well with him, then great, but if not, we’ve got each other”. I feel a bit uneasy about that suggestion. But I haven’t got a better idea. “Ok”.

On Sunday I go to church and hug Cal tightly when I see him. “I’ve missed you so much” I say. “I’ve missed you too. I love your new look” “Thanks. How was Paris?” “It was one of the best times of my life. I’m really glad I went. How’s everything been back here?” “Yeah, all good” I lie. I don’t know if I’ll tell him about what happened with Shannon. “Let me introduce you to Cyril” Cal says. He leads me over to a man who looks in his mid-thirties. He’s got wild dark blonde hair, blue eyes, and is wearing magenta trousers, a black shirt, studded silver Dr Martens and a denim jacket decorated with badges of rock bands and cartoons like Adventure Time and Scooby Doo. _Wow_ is all I can think. “Annaliese, this is Cyril. Cyril, this is Annaliese” Cal says and Cyril high fives me. “Nice to meet you” I say. “You too kiddo. I’ve heard a lot about you”. He’s got a cockney accent which is so cool. Cal goes up to introduce him before the service starts. “I have the honour of introducing our new youth and children’s worker, Cyril Berkeley. He’s written a list of facts about himself that he’d like to share with you all”. Cyril gets out a crumpled piece of paper from his trouser pocket and grins. “It’s lovely to meet you all and to be joining this wonderful church. Cal’s told me loads about everyone, and I can’t wait to get to know you all personally. I was born and raised in Peckham, London and I did a degree in Theology with Youth and Children’s Ministry at Genesis College. I worked for a charity in London called XLR8 for many years, and then I worked as a youth and children’s worker at a small church in Newham, which was a great time. I’m 36 years old, but I know I look at least a decade younger. I like to spend my free time practising the electric guitar and listening to indie rock. I do a bit of singing, and I like to write my own songs and poems. I love my cartoons, especially Adventure Time. I’ve got a ginger cat named Sebastian, and I’ve got the most beautiful second-hand Volkswagen bus named Susie. So yeah, that’s about it. I can’t wait to get started here”.

I grin. I’ve got a feeling I’m going to like Cyril.


	9. Chapter 9

I’ve never seen Cal so happy in my life, and it’s almost weird. It’s not that he isn’t usually happy. It’s just that he’s usually quite serious, in a way. He’s the kind of person you can talk to about anything, and he has more wisdom that anyone I’ve ever known, but in no way is he usually this smiley and energetic. He doesn’t usually laugh much either and now he’s literally in hysterics every time Cyril cracks a joke, which he does pretty often. I guess Cyril’s the kind of person who really lights up a room. And Cal’s spent a lot of time with him recently. I should be happy that he’s happy. But I just want some time to talk to him, like we usually talk.

I sit on the office windowsill, gazing out at the school grounds. It’s a bright, sunny day. Cyril is drumming on his desk whilst he works, which is actually getting pretty annoying. He’s a good laugh, yes, and I think he’s a kind, genuine person. But boy is he starting to get on my nerves. Cal used to be alone in the church office half the time, but now Cyril is literally glued to his side. I can’t help but feel a bit jealous. In fact, I’m feeling extremely jealous. “You alright hun? You look a bit moody” Cyril asks me, and I try not to glare at him. “I’m fine” I reply. “How about you look over my plans for the next few weeks of Engage?” “Yeah sure”. He’s good at his job, I can admit that. He’s making the sessions interesting and engaging, and the kids love him. But I just want to spend time with Cal alone, like before. I want to talk to him about anything and everything. There’s no one else I can talk to like I can talk to him. Not even Gavin. I definitely can’t talk to Gavin about anything and everything, considering the two main things on my mind are my kiss with Shannon, and all the horrible stuff that happened that no one can know about aside from Cal and my parents.

Gavin and I go down to the coast at the weekend. We’ve met up a few times in the past week, but only as part of a group. We went bowling with Fiona, Josh, Brooklyn and Stephen, which was great. We had slush puppies and shared a portion of chips, and not unexpectedly, Gavin won the game. And we’ve all been out for lunch a few times. But this is the first time we’ve been alone since I kissed Shannon. And I feel pretty awkward. “How are you feeling today?” Gavin asks me as we sit on the train, looking at me a little concernedly. “I’m alright” I reply, taking his hand and squeezing it. He can tell something’s up. I’m going to have to be honest with him… at some point. We walk for miles across the beach and we’ve brought our swimming costumes so we can go swimming in the sea. I’m not the strongest swimmer but the water’s not too rough and I stay within my depth. Gavin goes far out to show off, and he buys us bodyboards so we can ride the waves. We swim underneath the pier to get out of the sun for a while. Gavin leans in to kiss me and I tense suddenly. “Are you ok?” he asks, worriedly. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry”. I need to tell him. I have to tell him right now. “Gavin, I messed up” I blurt. “What do you mean?”. I take a deep breath. “A few weeks ago, Shannon came over to mine and she said that she’s had feelings for me for a while. And then she kissed me, and I felt bad for her, and I kissed her back. I made a stupid mistake”. Gavin looks hurt and I feel awful. “Does she know that you don’t like her back?”. “Yeah” I lie. “Yeah, she knows I want to be with you”. Gavin nods. “I’m so sorry” I say. “It’s ok” Gavin replies. “I’m a bit upset about it, but I want to be with you more than anything. And I’m not going to let a silly mistake ruin what we have”. He kisses me and I kiss him back. Did I do the right thing by telling him? I’m technically still lying to him by saying that I think the kiss was a mistake. But it’s ok. Gavin’s still my boyfriend, and nothing needs to change. It’s going to be alright.

I go to the church office on Monday and Cal’s on his own, thank God. “Hey” I say. “Hi. How are you?” Cal asks, grinning his newfound grin which is really weirding me out. “I’m alright. How are you?” “I’m great. I’m going out for pizza with Cyril this evening and I’m really looking forward to it”. Of course he is. “You’re really getting on with Cyril” I state the obvious. “Yeah, he’s one of the best people I’ve ever met. I get on with everyone here at St Brendan’s but I’ve never had a friend like Cyril before. We just click”. That hurts. I feel a pang in my chest. “Ouch” I murmur. Cal sees my face. “Oh honey, I didn’t mean it like that. Obviously you’re my friend, and I love you with all my heart. But it’s different. You’re my Goddaughter and you’re 15. It’s not quite the same as having someone near enough my own age around all the time, and someone like Cyril who’s so easy to talk to”. That hasn’t made me feel any better. I shrug. “Come here” Cal says and he pulls me into a hug. “How’s everything been going anyway?” he asks. “I cheated on Gavin” I mumble. “What?” “I kissed Shannon”. Cal looks pretty surprised. “She told me that she liked me and she kissed me, and then I felt bad, and I kissed her back. I told Gavin it didn’t mean anything, but it did. I even said to Shannon that I could be with both her _and_ Gavin, and he didn’t have to know. I don’t know what’s got into me” “How have you left things with Shannon?” “If things keep going well with Gavin then Shannon and I will just stay friends, but if not… then we’ve got each other” “So you’ve got feelings for her as well as Gavin?” “Yeah basically. Obviously Gavin doesn’t know that. And I like him more than I like Shannon… I think” “So what have you told him?” “I just told him what happened but I told him it was a stupid mistake. And I lied to him and said Shannon is aware I don’t have feelings for her” “How did he take it?” “Pretty well. He said he was a bit upset, but he wants to be with me so he’s not going to let this ruin our relationship” “He must really like you” “Yeah… he told me he loves me. I said it back” “Was this before or after you kissed Shannon?” “Before”. I see the look on Cal’s face. “Yeah, I kissed Shannon just days after Gavin told me he loved me. I realise what a trashy person I am” “You’re not-”. I get up and walk out. I’m not in the mood to be judged at the moment. “Anna, wait-” Cal calls after me but I hurry down the stairs. Cyril’s just coming through the main door as I go to leave. “Hey hun, you ok?” Cyril asks, his usual irritatingly smiley self. “No” I reply, and I get out before he can say anything else.

I stop before crossing the road and I look back at the church. I don’t want to be falling out with Cal. I sigh and reluctantly start to head back. I don’t know what I’m going to say to him. Cyril’s going to be in the office now, so I’m not even going to be able to talk to Cal alone. But I’m still heading back. I guess I can ask Cal if we can speak in private. He’ll be ok with that. Though I’m sure he’d rather be spending time with his new best friend Cyril. I go into the church and head up the stairs slowly. I’m about to go into the office when I stop dead.

Cal and Cyril are _kissing._

I duck back out of sight. Did I really just see that? I poke my head around the corner, wondering if I just imagined that.

**Nope.**

I quietly get back down the stairs and leave the church. I certainly wasn’t expecting that.


	10. Chapter 10

I get a text message through from Cal.

_Hi. I hope you’re ok. I’m so sorry if it came across like I was judging you for the situation with Gavin. I’m not at all. I also realise that what I was saying before didn’t come across in the way I intended. I’m sorry, and I really hope you can forgive me. I know I’ve been spending a lot of time with Cyril recently, but I am always here for you, and I honestly will drop everything if you ever need to chat to me. Xx_

I sigh. I write back

_It’s ok. Thanks xx_

I don’t know what else to say at the moment. I can’t believe Cal and Cyril are… I mean, I don’t know _what_ they are. Are they together? Or was it just a one off? It doesn’t really matter, but why wouldn’t Cal just tell me?

I meet up with Gavin, Fiona, Josh, Brooklyn, Stephen, Shannon and Aoife in the middle of the week and we go for a drink in Starbucks. “Are you all looking forward to Renew?” Gavin asks. “Yeah, it’ll be a good time” I reply, sipping my drink and gazing out of the window, distracted by my thoughts. “I can’t wait” Fiona says. “There’s going to be a silent disco, and on one day we all get powdered paint to throw in the air and at each other, like Holi. I’ve got all my outfits planned out already. And I think it’s going to be even more fun than usual with Cyril around. He’s so funny” “Yeah, I bet he’ll be a laugh next week” Josh says. “Even Cal’s been more fun since Cyril started. I don’t think I’d ever seen him laugh before” Fiona says. “Yeah, Cyril’s _certainly_ had an impact on him” I mumble. Fiona looks at me. “Do you know something we don’t?” she asks, leaning forward. “I saw them kissing” “Cal and Cyril?!” Fiona squeals. “Shh” I look around, suddenly worried that someone from church could be here and overhear us. “Oh my, that’s hilarious” Fiona says, wiping her eyes. “Seriously?” Aoife asks. “Yep. In the office. They didn’t see me. Well, I _hope_ they didn’t”. Fiona and Aoife fall into hysterics. “Let’s keep this between us though” I say, feeling slightly guilty. I feel like I probably should have kept this to myself.

The day before we set off to the Renew Festival, I go to the church to help pack some things into Cyril’s van. Gavin and Stephen lend a hand as well, getting the marquee and tents loaded up with Cyril. Cal and I sort out the food supplies. “Cyril’s a great cook, so he’s got lots of good meals lined up for us this week” Cal says. “He hasn’t mentioned that before” “You learn something new about him every day” “Mm”. I look at Cal. “I know about you two”. Cal bites his lip. “What do you mean?” “I saw you kissing”. Cal looks uncomfortable. “Right” “Are you two a ‘thing’?” “Not exactly. We got on really well in Paris and I just felt like I could be myself around him, that I could trust him… and the more time we spent together… it just really hit me how much I liked him. I told him and he feels the same. But we’re not ‘together’ as such. We don’t know where we want this to go” “Why didn’t you tell me?”. Cal considers what he’s going to say for a few moments. “It’s not really any of your business Anna. I didn’t feel the need to tell you anything about this” “Wow” “Well, it’s personal. You’ve got to understand that” “Sure”. “Have you told anyone?” Cal asks. “No”. Lying again. I seem to be getting good at this. “I just know there’s some people in this church who wouldn’t be very accepting of this” Cal says. I nod. I’m sure I can trust my friends not to say anything.

The coach leaves for Renew at 10 in the morning. It’s a three-hour drive. I sit next to Gavin and we listen to Little Mix’s _LM5_ album, followed by Ariana Grande’s _Sweetener_ and Taylor Swift’s _1989_. When we arrive at Renew we all have a quick packed lunch and then get our tents set up. I’m sharing with Shannon, Fiona, Aoife and Brooklyn. Cal and Cyril are sharing a tent. I’m sure they’ll enjoy that. I’ve been to Renew three times before, and the best thing about it is definitely the worship. It’s so different to how it is at St Brendan’s, where we mostly sing hymns. Here there’s electronic music and dancing and bright lights. It’s like being in a heavenly nightclub.

We go and get burritos from the food court before we go to the evening meeting. The main meetings take place in a Big Top like at a circus. There’s a huge stage and an illuminated cross. There’s thousands of people here and we only just fit into the Big Top. We play a game of _Ninja_ whilst we wait for the service to begin. When the band come up onto the stage we all start cheering and I grab hold of Gavin excitedly. “You’re going to love this” I say. The sound of the electric guitar fills the room and then the drums kick in and we’re into the first song, dancing wildly already. Even Cal is dancing, and I’ve never seen him dance in my life. It’s amusing and endearing at the same time.

After the service there’s a UV party. Shannon does UV face paint on us all. She does small pink and blue flower patterns down the side of my face with green dots. I get changed into a neon pink dress with matching heels. There’s a DJ playing all of the latest hits and a mosh pit in the middle of the crowd of dancing teenagers. Gavin and I dance together when the DJ plays a remix of _Me_ by Taylor Swift and Brendon Urie.

After the party we have hot chocolate back at our camp. I put on my fleecy pyjamas and get snuggled up in my sleeping bag. I’m lying next to Shannon, which is a bit awkward, but it’ll be ok. We stay up chatting till way past midnight and giggling about the cute worship leaders. “Settle down now girls” Cal calls from outside, and we cover our mouths as we giggle even more. “I still can’t get over Cal and Cyril” Fiona whispers. “I mean, Cal was even _dancing_ this evening. It’s like he’s a completely different person. He must really be in love. It’s kinda adorable” “I can see what he sees in Cyril” Aoife says, and I splutter so much that tears start running down my face. We share crisps and sweets and popcorn, and we play a few games of Never Have I Ever. Luckily it stays moderately appropriate. Then finally we settle down to sleep. Shannon rolls over and puts her arm around me in her sleep whilst I’m still awake, but I don’t really mind. I rest my head against her chest and drift off.


	11. Chapter 11

The first full day at Renew goes mostly well. I have a bit of a lie in and then have cereal for breakfast. I go to a seminar with Aoife on Women in Leadership, and then we have the morning meeting. It’s more chilled out than last night but the worship is still incredible. After lunch we go to the Sports Zone where Gavin and the boys play a game of football. There’s an inflatable obstacle course that Fiona and I go on which is great fun. We have spicy rice with naan bread for dinner. It starts pouring with rain in the evening before the main meeting so I put on my raincoat and welly boots.

Towards the end of the evening, during the calm time of worship, the main speaker Ali comes to the front of the stage. He’s an amazing preacher and very entertaining, but he knows when to be serious as well. The worship quietens till there’s just the soft sound of a strumming guitar and Ali speaks. “I believe there is someone here who has been through a very traumatic time recently… I feel that God is telling me that you’ve dealt with a spirit of some sort, and had a supernatural experience that would seem impossible, but you know for a fact that it occurred. And now you’re dealing with the aftermath of that and having few people to talk to who will understand your experience. I need to let you know that you are not alone, and there are people here that you can talk to, who will believe you. If that’s you, I’m not going to ask you to come to the front or raise your hand… but please come and talk to us in private or speak to one of your leaders”. I’m frozen in shock. Is this for me? Ali does this several times every year. He’ll come to the front with something that he believes is from God, and he’ll ask the person to come forward if what he’s said applies to them. What he says is always too specific to be a guess. I realise I’m digging my nails into my arm and Cal gently takes my hand and squeezes it. “It’s ok” he murmurs.

As soon as the meeting’s over I get out of the Big Top as quickly as I can. Cal doesn’t try to stop me. There isn’t a party or anything tonight so I head to the silent prayer room on the other side of the site. It’s a small conference room that’s been set out like a chapel for this week. It’s got an illuminated cross like in the Big Top and fake candles flickering in the dark. I kneel in front of the cross, crying to the point that it hurts. I stay in here, alone, for nearly an hour, my legs starting to cramp. I hear footsteps outside and the doorknob turns, and I get to my feet quickly. I turn and see Cal. He sighs with relief when he sees me. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere”. I wipe my eyes. Cal hugs me and I start crying again. “It’s going to be alright. Ali was right, you’re not alone in this. You can speak to the leaders here if you want. And I’m always here”. I nod. We walk back to camp and Cal gets me a hot chocolate before bed. “Are you ok?” Shannon asks me. “Where did you disappear to all evening?” “I just wanted some prayer time. I’m all good”. I get settled down and fall asleep very quickly.

_I’m in a clearing and when I look down at myself, I see I’m wearing the locket. I can feel the power flooding through my veins. I know that if anyone tries to hurt me right now, I’ve got the power to kill them. Just like I killed the Guards before. I remember the image of the Guards faces distorting as the fire fried them up. I turn, and Cal, my parents, Gavin and Shannon are standing there, staring at me. “You deserve to die for everything you’ve done” Cal says. I take a step back. “But all of that’s gone away. Ishmoln restored everything back to normal. I haven’t done anything” “Really?” Gavin asks. “I mean, I haven’t done anything like before. I haven’t killed anyone. I haven’t hurt anyone” “You’ve hurt me quite a bit” “I know, but that’s different”. They all walk towards me. “Don’t come any nearer” I say. “I don’t want to hurt any of you” “It’s too late for that” Mum says and the next thing I know I’m lying in an open hole, just like the one I made before when the Guards were chasing me. I can only just see the sky above me, and the blood red moon. Dirt is piled on top of me, stopping me from being able to breathe. I can feel bugs and spiders crawling on me. I can feel their legs running across my skin. I scream but no sound comes out, and the dirt falls into my mouth, blocking my airway. I struggle but I’m completely trapped. I close my eyes and let death take me._

I’m woken up by the sound of my own screaming. “Anna, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” Shannon asks, sitting up beside me, her hand on my shoulder. I can still feel the sensation of spiders crawling all over me. I’m sobbing, my hands shaking violently. “Did you have a nightmare?” Aoife asks. I can hardly see a thing in the dark, but I can still feel the crawling. I brush at my arms, trying to get whatever it is off of me, even though I know there’s nothing really there. It feels so, so horrible. Torchlight shines outside the tent. “Girls, are you all ok?” Cal asks sleepily. “Something’s wrong with Anna. I think she’s had a bad dream or something” Brooklyn says, unzipping the door of the tent. “Anna? Come and talk to me honey” Cal says, and Shannon and Fiona help me up and out of the tent. I practically fall into Cal’s arms. “Hey it’s ok, it’s ok” he says. Gavin appears by my side. I reckon I’ve woken everyone up. “Are you ok?” he asks, worriedly. I nod, but I feel anything but ok. Cal sits me down on his lap in the marquee. I’m still shaking, pins and needles running through my body. Cyril’s up as well. “Is there anything I can do?” Cyril asks. “Can you get her a glass of water?” Cal asks. “Of course”. My head is spinning. I feel myself go limp, my head like a bowling ball. “Woah, woah ok” Cal says, holding my head gently. “Is she alright?” I hear Gavin ask. “She’ll be fine. She’s just very stressed. Go on back to your tent, we’ll let you know if we need anything” Cal replies. “Do I need to get a medic or anything?” Cyril asks. “No, no, it’s ok” Cal says. I’m breathing normally now, thankfully. My mouth is dry and I’m desperate for a drink. I sit myself up a bit, my surroundings coming into focus. “Are you ok sweetie?” Cal asks and I nod. I take the glass of water from Cyril and gulp it down. “What happened? Did you have a bad dream?” Cal asks. I nod again. “Do you want to talk about it?”. I look at Cyril and he gets the hint that I’d rather talk about this with Cal alone. He nods in understanding. “I’ll leave you to talk. I hope you’re ok kiddo”. I move onto my own seat next to Cal. “I dreamed that you and my parents and Gavin and Shannon all thought I deserved to die because of everything I’ve done. I was wearing the locket but then you were all burying me and I couldn’t breathe because of all the dirt, and I felt all these spiders crawling on me, and I still felt them when I woke up. It was the same sort of dream that I was having back when I had the locket” “That sounds really bad. But it’s not real. I definitely don’t think you deserve to die, and neither does anyone else. I know yesterday evening was really hard. But it shows that there is a God, and he knows what you’re going through at the moment. He loves you so much, and so do so many people”. I nod, rubbing my eyes. “Can I come and sleep in your tent?” I ask, realising that I sound extremely pathetic. “That’s not allowed honey. I’m happy to sit up with you for as long as you want though”. I sigh. “It’s ok. I think I’ll just get back to sleep” “You sure? Are you going to be ok?” “Yeah”. I get up quickly and go to my tent. “Are you alright?” all the girls ask. “I’m good. Just a silly dream. I’m ready to go back to sleep now” I say. I’m not really going to be able to sleep but I burrow down into my sleeping bag and pull it up above my head, blocking out the world. I’m crying again, but I try not to make a sound. Eventually, by some kind of miracle, I do fall asleep.


	12. Chapter 12

The second full day of Renew starts off ok, but I feel like there’s a huge weight on my shoulders. I go to a few seminars and spend most of my time with Aoife. We get milkshakes in the Soft Rock Café and go for a jog around site in the late afternoon. Before dinner, we all hang around at the camp playing card games, while Cyril gets dinner prepared. I notice something taped to his back, but I don’t think anything of it. Cal comes into the marquee just as dinner’s about to be served up. “What’s this?” Cal asks, taking hold of the note taped to Cyril’s back. Cyril turns and we all see what the note says.

**_Watch your back queer_ **

Cal looks me dead in the eye. He thinks it’s me who wrote that. Cyril frowns, and it’s the first time I’ve seen him look anything other than happy. Cal pulls the note off and scrunches it up. He looks mad. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look mad before. He doesn’t say anything, and neither do the rest of us. We eat dinner in near silence, and afterwards, once everyone is getting ready for the main meeting, Cal pulls me aside. “What’s this about Anna?”. I take a few moments, struggling to believe he would actually think I’d do something like this. “I didn’t write that note” I say. “How would anyone else know? You said you didn’t tell anyone” “I lied”. Cal looks extremely disappointed and I look at the ground to avoid his eyes. “How many people know?” he asks. I think for a moment. “Seven” I reply, guiltily. “Right. That’s just great” Cal says sarcastically. “I don’t think anyone I told would have done that though. Maybe someone just guessed, or they were just making a joke” “I don’t get what your problem is with Cyril” “I don’t have a problem with him. I just said it wasn’t me who did this” “You also said that you hadn’t told anyone about me and Cyril. And you told Gavin you have no feelings for Shannon. For some reason, I’m not finding you to be particularly trustworthy at the moment”. Cal has never spoken to me like this before. I walk away, because I have no clue how I’m supposed to respond.

Everyone else has already gone to the main meeting so I take a slow walk over to the Big Top by myself. I feel terrible. Who would have written that note? “Hey”. I turn and Stephen appears at my side. “Hi” I say. “You going to the meeting?” “Yeah” “I’ve had a bit of a tiff with Brooklyn. She’s getting all worked up about me hanging out with other groups. She’s way too clingy and I can’t be doing with girls like that. I want to spend time with whoever I want to spend time with, without her getting all jealous” “Fair enough” “Does Cal think it was you who put that note on Cyril’s back? I saw the way he looked at you” “Yep. It _wasn’t_ me though. But he knows I saw them kiss, so I guess he’s just assuming. But I told him I’m not the only one who knows, and he’s not too impressed that I told his little secret” “I’m going to be sitting with another group in the meeting if you want to join me?”. I consider it. That way I can avoid Cal, but it could give Brooklyn and Gavin the wrong idea if they see me with Stephen. “Yeah sure” I say.

Gavin messages me when the service has just started.

_Hey. Are you here? x_

_Yeah, just with another group. I don’t want to be around Cal at the moment x_

The group Stephen and I are with are about Stephen’s age, so a few years older than me. I get chatting with one of the girls, Chloe. “Do you wanna come back to our camp for a bit before the Silent Disco?” she asks. “Yeah, that’ll be cool”. “We’ve got drinks. I’m eighteen so I went off site and bought some. It should make the night a bit more fun” “Isn’t alcohol banned on site?” “Yep. But no one’s gonna know. Us lot are more than used to drinking. What about you?” “I’ve never had alcohol before. I’m only fifteen” “Ah well, you’ll get used to it soon enough”.

At the camp we go into Chloe’s tent and she prepares some shots. She gives me a bottle of some kind of cider as well. It doesn’t taste particularly good but I’m feeling rebellious and I end up drinking the whole lot. Chloe does her makeup and then mine before we head out to the Silent Disco. I put on the headphones and bass booted dance music starts pounding through my ears. I end up in the mosh pit in the middle of the room and lose sight of Chloe and her group and Stephen. I dance for a while, the alcohol making me a lot less self-conscious. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn to see Aoife. She waves at me and I wave back clumsily. _One Dance_ by Drake starts playing and I sway to the music, not caring about anything or anyone. It’s a good feeling, until I start to feel like I’m going to be sick. Aoife looks concerned. “You good?” she mouths, giving a thumbs up. She sees that I’m not and takes my arm and leads me out of the crowd. She discards her headphones and takes mine off. “What’s wrong?” she asks. “You look unwell”. The room is spinning around me. I can just about make out Cyril jamming to the music, towards the back of the crowd. Aoife gently guides me over to him and taps him. He takes off his headphones. “Hey girls, you ok?”. He looks at me. “What’s up hun?” he asks me, putting his hand on my shoulder. Aoife and Cyril get me outside and Cyril looks into my eyes. “I’m going to take you back to camp. Cal should be there. He’ll know what to do” “I hate Cal” I slur. “No you don’t. Don’t be silly” “He doesn’t like me anymore” “Of course he likes you” “He _hates_ me”. I lean over suddenly, about to be sick. “Woah, woah” Cyril says and he helps me over to a bin as I throw up. After I’m done I feel a bit better, but I feel like I could do with a long sleep. When we get to the camp, Cal is flicking through the schedule for the week. He looks up when he sees Cyril and Aoife almost carrying me in. “What’s happened?” he asks, standing up. “I don’t know. She’s all over the place. She’s been sick, and her eyes aren’t focusing at all” Cyril says. Cal sits me down and looks into my eyes. He leans in. “Have you been drinking?” he asks me. “Noooo” “I can smell the alcohol on you” “Haha”. Cal gets me a glass of water. “Where did you get alcohol from?” “I just had water but probably Jesus turned it into wine. What a geezer is our Jesus” “Seriously Anna. I need to know. If you’ve only had water then someone must have spiked your drink” “Nah I got it from this group. They’re all old and eighteen though so it’s alright” “It’s not _alright._ Alcohol’s not allowed on site, and _you’re_ fifteen. What did you drink?” “Shots and cider. They were right yummy” “I think I need to take you home Anna” “What? _No_ ” “I don’t think you’re ok to be here at the moment”. I start crying pitifully. “Drink some water” Cal says, handing me the glass. “I need a hug” I whine. “Calm down and I’ll give you a hug in a minute” Cal replies. I finish the glass of water and take a few deep breaths. My head is starting to clear a bit, but I’m still a bit disorientated. Cal gives me a hug. “You’re worrying me at the moment Anna” he says. “I’m fine. I just messed up… again. Are you going to send me home?” “No, but I will be keeping a close eye on you. And if I have any more reason to be concerned, I will _have_ to take you home” “Do you hate me?” “No, of course I don’t. I was a bit upset with you, but I could never hate you, or even _dislike_ you. I love you, ok? No matter what”. I hug Cal, and I pray that I don’t do anything else to mess up.


	13. Chapter 13

I wake up in the morning with a hangover. I have to run to the toilets to throw up. I’ve got huge cramps in my legs and I feel like I haven’t eaten in a week. Cyril’s cooking bacon for breakfast so I have that as well as cereal. I drink lots of water, and I feel a bit better later on in the morning. “How are you doing today?” Cal asks. “I feel a bit rough but that’s to be expected” I reply. “I’m really sorry for last night” I say. “It’s ok. What made you go off with that other group anyway?” “I knew you were mad at me, so I just wanted to stay out of the way. I promise it wasn’t me who wrote that note. I told my friends about you and Cyril, and I’m an idiot for doing that, and I’m an idiot for cheating on Gavin, and I’m an idiot for getting drunk. But I didn’t write that note. What do you think it meant?” “I don’t know. But I’m worried. It could just be a silly joke, but it’s certainly not funny. Cyril’s just laughed it off but it could be a genuine threat” “I only told Fiona, Josh, Gavin, Brooklyn, Stephen, Aoife and Shannon. What do any of them have against Cyril? They all seem to love him”. Cal shrugs. “I don’t know. But we need to make sure Cyril’s safe. If the note was intended to be a threat then we’ve got a big problem”. I gulp. This is all my fault.

This afternoon we have Colour Catastrophe, which is a bit like Holi, where we get to throw powdered paint all over each other. I dress into my old shorts and a white t-shirt. “I’m going to grab my inhaler” Aoife says, before we head over as a group to the field. Aoife has asthma but it’s generally quite mild. She’s had a few asthma attacks in the time I’ve known her, and the powdered paint could easily trigger an attack. Aoife comes back with her inhaler and puts it into her shoulder bag.

Fiona, Josh, Shannon, Brooklyn and Stephen go into the mosh pit in the middle of the field and Aoife and I stay back a bit, though still close enough to get covered in powder. The countdown begins and _Colours_ by Jason Derulo is playing. The sun is bright today and it feels like a perfect summer’s day, which it would be if it weren’t for this unsettling feeling rising inside me. 3… 2… 1. The colours fly into the sky like a blended rainbow… red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple and pinks. Someone suddenly slams roughly into the back of me and pushes me and Aoife forwards into the crowd. The powder is too thick to see anything and I can taste it in my mouth. I feel Aoife grab hold of my hand. “Anna, we’re too far in, we need to get back” she chokes out. I try and move but there are people running around in all directions. It’s like being in a warzone. “It’s ok, I’ll get us out” I say, spitting out powder. It takes what seems like forever but eventually we can see normal blue sky and taste fresh air. I pull Aoife along after me and get her away from the crowd. We’re both covered in powder. “Are you ok?” I ask. Aoife falls down onto the grass. “I need my inhaler” she says weakly. I open her bag and fumble around for the inhaler. There’s nothing in her bag aside from some coins and a few notes. “Aoife, where’s your inhaler?” I ask. “It should be in there” Aoife replies. “It’s not”. I take out all the coins and the notes, accidentally dropping some but that doesn’t matter right now. It’s not here. “Aoife, it must have fallen out. It’s not here”. Cal, Cyril and another one of our leaders, Susanna, hurry over. “Where’s her inhaler?” Susanna asks. “She put it in her bag, but it’s not there. I can’t find it anywhere. I think it’s fallen out somewhere” I say. Cal sits Aoife up. “You need to sit up Aoife, ok? I need you to try and stay calm” Cal says. “I’ll phone the emergency number” Susanna says. Soon we have a team of medics on site hurrying over, and an ambulance has been called. Aoife is getting worse every second. The ambulance arrives and Aoife is given oxygen. Susanna goes with her in the ambulance. I can’t believe this. How could this happen? How could Aoife’s inhaler fall out of her bag, but not all the coins? This doesn’t make any sense.

There is an uncomfortable silence amongst us all as we head back to the camp. I go and take a shower. I scrub the paint out of my skin and hair and let the cool water run over my face. This is a mess. This is all a mess. I’d spend forever in this shower but there’s a massive queue and I don’t want to be selfish. I dry myself and tie my hair into a ponytail and get dressed into clean shorts and a floral blouse.

“Have you heard anything?” I ask Cal when I get back to the camp. “Yes, Aoife’s doing ok. It was a bad attack but she’s going to be alright”. I sigh in relief. “I don’t understand how her inhaler could have fallen out of her bag. It was buttoned shut, and all her money was still in there” “Anna, I’m not sure this was an accident”. I look at Cal. “Seriously?” “Yeah… there’s no sign of Aoife’s inhaler on the field, and we all saw her put it in her bag, so we know it _was_ in there. Did anyone take her bag at any point?” “No. We got pushed further into the crowd though, after the colours started being thrown… but I just assumed it was an accident” “And you didn’t see who pushed you?” “I couldn’t see a thing”. Cal goes quiet for a few moments. “I don’t know what to think” he says. Neither do I.

I go to my tent after dinner to get my bag for the evening meeting. I open it up and go to put in my Bible, notepad and water bottle. And then I see something blue in the bottom of my bag. I reach in and before I even properly see it, I know for definite what it is. Aoife’s inhaler. I feel frozen. My mouth suddenly goes very dry. What is her inhaler doing in my bag? I didn’t have my bag with me when we went out earlier. I swallow. What do I do? If I tell Cal about this he’ll think it was me who took it. He doesn’t trust me anymore, he’s said that. I feel sick. I try and think clearly… try and piece this together. Someone must have taken Aoife’s inhaler from her bag and put it into mine, to try and blame me. Who would do that? My heart drops as I realise that it’s happening again. It’s happening again. This is just like last time. I hurriedly place the inhaler in the bottom of Aoife’s suitcase, covering it with her clothes. What am I going to do?


	14. Chapter 14

I go and join the group to walk over to the main meeting. “You alright?” Gavin asks. I try to respond, but I can’t talk. No matter how much I try, words will not form. I nod. “What’s up?” Gavin asks, putting his arm around me. I can’t even mouth any words. I’m probably in shock. I shake my head. Gavin doesn’t push me, which I’m grateful for.

When we get to the main meeting, I sit on the floor and scroll through my phone. Gavin sits beside me and I send him a message.

_I’m not feeling too great at the moment and I’m struggling to talk, but I’ll be ok x_

He reads my message and squeezes my hand.

During the meeting I get a migraine. I hold my cool water bottle against my head and close my eyes. “Are you ok?” Gavin asks, putting his hand on my shoulder. I shake my head, which makes me feel dizzy. I rest my head in Gavin’s lap, trying to fall asleep. I just want to get away from reality. I want to get away from all this. I do manage to fall asleep. I keep drifting in and out of awareness. The music this evening is soft and relaxing, and the sermon is serious and calm.

After the service I go straight to bed. I just want to sleep. But at the same time I don’t. Sleep is where the nightmares are… but which is scarier, the nightmares or the reality? I don’t know. It’s boiling hot in the tent and I roll around uncomfortably, sweat running down my forehead into my eyes. I pour some water over my face and fan myself. Eventually I fall into a fitful sleep.

I wake up at some time in the middle of the night in a panic. Shannon, Fiona and Brooklyn are asleep. I go on my phone and see that Gavin has just posted some photos on Instagram, which means he’s awake. I message him.

 _Hey, you up?_ x

_Yeah. Can’t sleep. You ok? x_

_Just stressed x_

_Do you want to sit in the marquee with me for a bit? x_

_Yeah please x_

We go and sit in the marquee. Gavin looks adorable in his Sonic the Hedgehog pyjamas. He brings his sleeping bag with him. I get in it with him and we lie on the floor, looking up at the stars. It would be romantic if I didn’t feel like such a mess. “I know you’re struggling to talk at the moment, but if you feel able to at any time, I’m always here to listen” Gavin says, kissing my head gently. I smile softly. At some point Gavin falls asleep and I listen to the sounds of his deep breathing. It’s so relaxing and he looks so cosy and content, that it makes me feel a bit better. Soon I manage to fall asleep too.

In the morning we wake up to Cal peering down at us. Everyone else is up already, and I blush as I realise Gavin and I are cuddled up in the same sleeping bag in front of everyone. “What are you doing out here you two?” Cal asks. “We couldn’t sleep” Gavin says. “Sorry” he apologises awkwardly, climbing out of the sleeping bag. Cal decides to let it slide. “It’s alright”.

Aoife comes back to Renew with her Mum in the late afternoon to pick up her stuff. She’s going home a day early to recover, which is sensible. She should be safe at home. Sooner or later she’s going to find the inhaler in her suitcase. I can’t even talk to her, but I give her a hug. “Thanks for helping me out yesterday” Aoife says. I smile weakly. “I don’t get what happened. I made a point of taking my inhaler with me. I don’t understand where it could have gone. And someone literally pushed us into the crowd, I felt it”. Luckily the others start asking Aoife questions and chatting to her, so I can get away.

“Are you ok?” Cal asks me as we walk over to the final main meeting of the week in the evening. “You’re looking really pale”. I nod, and Cal puts his arm around me gently. “You’ve been quiet today. I don’t think I’ve heard a word from you”. I shrug, avoiding his eyes. “Are you upset with me?”. I shake my head. “Are you worrying about what happened yesterday?”. I nod. “Aoife’s ok. She’ll be safe at home with her parents”. “What if someone else gets hurt?” I manage to whisper. “What’s that?” Cal asks. I shake my head. My throat feels so dry. Cal pulls me closer. “Talk to me”. I shake my head again. I can’t talk to anyone about this. I pull away from Cal. My heart is thumping so wildly that I’m worried I’m going to collapse.

We get seated in the main meeting. The worship gets started and I try my hardest to sing and dance but I’m scared out of my mind. I need to work out what’s happening. I can’t have been the one to take Aoife’s inhaler as I can remember everything I did. I know I didn’t tape the note to Cyril’s back. I’ve been conscious and aware of everything.

Haven’t I?

It’s not like last time when crazy stuff was happening in the night that I had no recollection of in the day. What’s going to happen when Aoife finds her inhaler in her suitcase? Who will be blamed? I know it’s going to be me. No one else has acted in the least bit suspicious. And here’s me literally unable to say a word. I’m the only reasonable suspect. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m walking out of the meeting. I’m getting out as fast as I can. Cal’s following me.

“Slow down, slow down” Cal says, catching up to me as I walk away from everyone, from everything. “Honey slow down. What’s wrong?” Cal takes hold of my arm, but I keep walking. My gaze is fixed ahead. I can only just hear the thump of the drums from the Big Top… or maybe that’s the sound of my own heartbeat. “Honey just stop for a minute” Cal says and he stands in front of me, blocking my path. He puts his hands on my shoulders. “Look at me”. I fall to the ground, my scream silent. I feel like I’m in the dream I had a few nights ago, being buried, feeling the dirt cover me, trying to scream but unable to make a sound. Those spiders crawling all over me. I can feel them now. I can feel their legs scuttling all over my body. I brush at myself, scratching my skin, desperately trying to rid myself of these invisible creatures that are everywhere, all over me. I tug at my hair and punch my head, trying to get them off. I need them to get off. Please. Please. Please. “Anna, sweetie, no, no, no, no. Don’t do that!” Cal says, kneeling beside me. “Anna, stop. _Stop!”._ Cal takes hold of my hands and holds me tight against him. I don’t struggle. I just drift away.


	15. Chapter 15

I can feel the grass underneath me. I can feel Cal holding my hands. He’s talking to me but I can’t make out the words yet. I inhale the evening breeze. My eyes are wet with tears I don’t remember crying. My throat is so sore. My legs have gone numb. I shiver and Cal takes off his jacket and wraps it around my shoulders. “Anna, can you hear me at all?” Cal asks softly. I nod weakly. “Good. Do you know where you are?”. Still at Renew. Outside. I nod again. “Alright. Can you tell me how you’re feeling?”. I lick my lips. I still don’t feel like I can talk. I shake my head. “You gave me quite a scare just then. I’ve never seen you distressed like that before. I think you’ve hurt yourself a bit”. I sit myself up. I take a few deep breaths. “I think I’m going insane” I whisper. “Are you feeling really scared about what happened with Aoife?”. I nod. “She’s going to be ok. I promise you, she’s safe at home right now” “What about everyone else?”. Cal hesitates. “I don’t know. But honey we’re going home tomorrow. It’s going to be ok”. Cal hugs me tight. 

We go in for the end of the meeting. The Big Top is erupting with worship and I try and clear my mind for a bit and get into it. Afterwards Cal, Cyril, Gavin and I go and get nachos from the Food Court and we sit at a table and watch the fireworks going off over the field. I’m terrified that something is going to happen tonight. I’m scared out of my mind. I wrap Cal’s jacket around myself as a cold breeze blows by.

We’ve all decided to sleep in the marquee for at least some of the night tonight, which is a last night tradition. I curl up in my sleeping bag in my fold out chair, drinking a hot chocolate with giant marshmallows. Gavin sits next to me. We all play cards, charades and Dobble till gone midnight. We don’t really sleep much but we’ve got three hours on the coach to sleep tomorrow.

In the morning we get packed up after breakfast and load everything into the van. “Can I sit with you on the coach?” I ask Cal. “Of course you can”. I gaze out of the window as we leave Renew. What a weird week it’s been. Cal falls asleep quite soon after we leave and I rest my head against his shoulder, trying to get some sleep too.

Cal nudges me when we get back to St Brendan’s. I slept for most of the journey. Mum and Dad aren’t picking me up till a bit later, so I stay with the leaders, unloading everything from the van. It takes about an hour to get everything unloaded and sorted out and I’m exhausted, but I lend a hand anyway. Once we’re done I say goodbye to the leaders as they go home. Cyril gives Cal and I a hug before he leaves.

And then it’s just us. “How are you doing?” Cal asks me. He looks very uneasy, and I don’t know why. “Not great” I reply. “I got a call from Aoife’s mum last night” Cal says. “She says she found Aoife’s inhaler in the bottom of her suitcase… I didn’t even know what to say to her. She was understandably very concerned. I don’t know what to do. Someone deliberately took her inhaler and quite likely pushed you both into the crowd… someone was trying to hurt her”. I need to tell him. I have to. “Cal… I need to tell you something”. He looks at me like he has an idea what I’m going to say, and he doesn’t want to hear it. “I found Aoife’s inhaler in my bag… but I didn’t take it. I know I didn’t. I didn’t even have my bag with me during Colour Catastrophe. I put the inhaler in her suitcase. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do”. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Cal asks. “You said you didn’t trust me… I thought you’d think it was me who took her inhaler, and me who put the note on Cyril’s back… and I swear I didn’t”. Cal looks at the ground and I want to know what he’s thinking. “Anna, it seems like the same thing’s happening again”. I don’t want to acknowledge that. I already have acknowledged it… but I don’t want Cal to think that too. It can’t be happening again. “No… maybe someone’s just got a problem with Cyril and Aoife, and _me_ by the looks of things. I’ve been aware of everything during the day, and nothing’s happened at night like before” “It’s not operating the same way as last time. I don’t think Ishmoln’s come back… this is something else. Something that can affect you at any time… it’s possibly not contained within anything, like Ishmoln was in the locket” “Wait, hold up… hold up… you actually think I’m _possessed_ again? I _know_ I didn’t take Aoife’s inhaler. I remember everything I did, and I certainly didn’t do that” “Maybe whatever this is is messing with your mind. Annaliese, you’ve been completely out of character recently… cheating on Gavin, getting drunk, telling all your friends about me and Cyril, self-harming-” “What?!” I’m furious. I can feel the rage burning through me. “Are you actually serious right now? You think all these things are an indication of some kind of possession?… _you’re_ in a relationship with a man! Maybe it’s _you_ who’s possessed. Before you come at me for the mistakes I’ve made, take a good look at yourself!” “That’s not fair. Cyril and I just kissed, that’s not a sin, and since when are you homophobic?” “I’m _not._ I cheated on Gavin with a _girl_ , if you don’t remember. But you’ve just suggested that my behaviour indicates some kind of demonic possession! Forgive me for being angry” “Anna, I’m not holding you responsible for any of this. I don’t believe you meant to hurt Aoife in any way or threaten Cyril-” “If you’re right and this is happening again just like before, then I swear I’m going to go. There’s no way I can cope with that again, there’s just no way” “What do you mean _go_?” “What do you think I mean?” I ask, heading for the door. Cal grabs hold of me and secures me in a restraint that I’m not expecting. “Let go of me!” I shout, pulling away from him. “Anna, calm down. I’m not letting you go anywhere when you’ve just said that!” “We haven’t even established that I _am_ possessed yet, you idiot! Let me go!”. I try desperately to get away from Cal but he’s holding me too tightly. Cal suddenly knocks my legs out from under me and we go down to the floor hard. I land painfully on my right wrist, and I scream. Pain shoots through my whole arm and I haven’t got the energy to fight against Cal anymore.


	16. Chapter 16

I see my parents coming into the church through the main doors. Thank God they’re here. “Woah, what’s going on?” Mum asks when she sees Cal restraining me. She gets to our side. “My wrist” I sob. “What’s wrong with her wrist?” Mum asks Cal, checking my right wrist. Mum looks at Cal sharply. “Her wrist looks _broken_ ”. “I had to hold her. She made a threat” Cal’s voice is shaking. “You need to let go of her” Mum says and Cal does. I don’t move. I feel completely drained. “What happened?” Dad asks. “I’m not possessed” I whisper. “We know you’re not honey” Mum says. “Cal thinks I am, I’m not, I swear I’m not” my voice is so weak. “Caleb, can you explain what’s going on please?” Mum asks. She’s getting annoyed. “What happened before seems to be happening again. Aoife’s inhaler was stolen this week and she had an asthma attack that could have killed her. Annaliese found the inhaler in her bag afterwards, and then put it in Aoife’s suitcase. She says she knows she didn’t take it, but it just seems too much like last time. And there was a threatening note taped to Cyril’s back. And she got drunk this week, she went off with another group, she was really struggling last night-” “Why didn’t you phone us and tell us any of this?” Mum asks. “I… I don’t know” “If you think there’s something going on with our daughter you need to come and talk to _us._ She’s fifteen and she’s been through a hell of a time. Telling her she’s possessed is the worst thing you possibly could have done” Dad says. “Last time it was just us two dealing with it alone. I didn’t think. I’m sorry, I made a bad call”. “Let’s get you to the hospital” Mum says, helping me up. Cal tries to help me up as well. “Don’t touch her” Mum says. Mum and Dad have never been annoyed at Cal before. It’s weird, and it feels horrible.

Mum gets me seated in the front seat of the car, next to Dad who’s driving. She sits in the back and we drive to the hospital. I give my parents an account of everything that’s been going on, and what Cal said at the church. “He had no business saying any of that” Mum says. “I am _furious_ ”. “What if he’s right?” I sob. “We’ll sort it. We’re here and we’ll sort it. We’re not going to let anything bad happen to you”.

My wrist is broken. I have it put in a cast. The nurse asks a few questions, which I don’t want to answer. Cal won’t get in trouble will he? He didn’t mean to break my wrist. “Are you accessing any mental health support?” the nurse asks. “I’m just asking since obviously your Minister was concerned that you were going to hurt yourself”. I shake my head. “No, I’m fine. It was just a misunderstanding”.

At home I go and lie down in bed. I sleep for a bit and then I call Gavin. I tell him about my broken wrist and about Cal restraining me, but I don’t tell him everything… not yet. “I need to get away… I don’t know where… but I’m scared” “Let me come with you” Gavin replies. “You can’t. I don’t think I’m safe to be around” “I don’t care. I need to be with you. If you’re really going to run away, I’m coming with you”. “Ok… meet me by the train station. I’ll have to walk, cos I obviously can’t ride my bike with a broken wrist”.

I wait until my parents are in bed and then I pull on my warm Nike jacket and sneakers, and I quietly make my way downstairs and out through the front door. It takes about an hour to walk into town. My wrist is still aching. Am I doing the right thing by running away? I’m scared of hurting my parents. I’m scared of hurting Gavin too, but he’s insisting on coming with me. Last time this happened I nearly killed Shannon and Cal, and I succeeded in killing all those Guards. That can’t happen again. I can’t hurt anyone.

Gavin is waiting for me by the station, looking anxious. He hugs me tight when I get to his side. “Where are we going to go?” Gavin asks. “I don’t know” I reply. “I’ve got some cash but it won’t do us for more than a few days. I haven’t thought this through well enough” “It’s ok… why don’t we just go somewhere to talk?”. I nod. We walk along a trail round the back of the station. I’m so, so tired. I could collapse any second. “Can we stop for a moment?” I ask. I sit down on the dusty pavement and it starts to rain heavily. “I don’t know what I’m doing” I say, looking up at the dark sky above me. There aren’t any stars to be seen tonight, and the moon is just a crescent. “We can go back. Anna, just tell me what you need. I’m with you no matter what”. “Let’s get undercover” I say, standing up and heading into the clump of bushes and trees running alongside the railway line. We sit underneath the shelter of a weeping willow. A train roars past and my heart speeds up. “I need to tell you what’s going on. But I’m not sure you’re going to believe a word of it” I say. “Go on” Gavin says softly.

“On my birthday, the 4th June, my parents gave me a locket that was made by a woman in the village they were serving in. The next day Fiona’s phone was stolen, and an inappropriate photo of her was shared around the school. I found the phone in my room. We thought maybe Shannon, who used to bully me, had put it in there… to try and get at me, to try and stop Fiona and I from being friends or something. And then Shannon was found having overdosed on something, and there was a burn mark on her arm with my initials… she survived… and then the school was found covered in graffiti of violent images of my friends… it was stuff that had happened in my nightmares… and the CCTV showed it was me who did it. I had no recollection of doing it. I got suspended, and Cal was looking after me, and I ended up nearly killing him. Again, with no recollection. He knew something was up, something wasn’t right… and it turned out there was a spirit in my locket. Everytime I held it at night it was able to take over my body and cause me to do things to hurt people. When I was awake I was in control, even when I held the locket, but I had unimaginable power… and the Guards came after me because I was going to be sectioned… and I killed them. I killed a whole load of Guards. Cal found me and we ended up being able to communicate with the spirit, Ishmoln. He wished to be returned to his mother back in the village. He was able to use our energy to transport us there, and we were able to reunite him with his mother. Cal’s body was burnt out from the energy used to transport us, so when Ishmoln left him… he died. But Ishmoln, somehow, and I don’t know how… he managed to get us back to my birthday again. It’s only me and Cal and my parents who remember anything that happened. But it’s happening again… the note on Cyril’s back… someone stealing Aoife’s inhaler… she could’ve died. Cal thinks I’m possessed again. He says I’m out of character, and I am, I’ve been messing up so much. But I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel possessed-” I trail off when I see the look in Gavin’s eye. He thinks I’m insane.

“Annaliese, I’ve been through something similar” he says.


	17. Chapter 17

I stare at Gavin. I was not expecting him to say that. I was expecting him to get away from me as fast as he possibly could. “What?” I ask. Gavin sighs and I see a look of pure anxiety in his eyes, which I’ve never seen in him before. “It started when we moved from Belfast to Carlisle” Gavin says. “I was six years old and Stephen had just turned eight. We moved into our new house and something just felt wrong. There was… a ghost, a spirit, whatever you want to call it. It was a bit like a shadow, just moving around the house. I could feel it sitting on my bed at night. Stephen said I must be going crazy when I told him, and he says he never saw it. But my parents saw it. They got our church to come and pray over our house. And then they acted like it had gone away… but I kept seeing it. It wasn’t around as much but it was still there. And there were so many times that I walked past Stephen’s room and heard him whispering to someone. He didn’t have a phone or anything like that at that age. One night I went and put my ear to the door and I heard him say _My parents think you’re gone._ I asked him about it, but he said I must have been dreaming. Eventually I just stopped mentioning it. We moved from Carlisle just a few months ago… and I was still seeing the spirit. But it just kind of blended in with the house after a while… I was so used to it. Stephen really, really didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to go to St Brendan’s or come back to Ireland. He asked if he could stay in Carlisle, since he’s nearly eighteen, but Mum and Dad said no. He’s been acting strange recently… I mean, he’s always been a bit strange, but since we left Carlisle he’s been almost clingy. He’s come into my room at night and just slept on the floor… I don’t mind him doing that, but he won’t talk to me about what’s going on. He’s been spending time with Brooklyn of course, but mostly when we’re all together. Other than that, he just Skypes her. She kept wanting him to meet up with her but he got stressed. Then they had a bit of an argument while we were at Renew. At Renew he just kept going off with other groups. He barely said a word to me all week, which was a massive change. He didn’t want me going out with you. He’s just constantly trying to find excuses for me to stay home, like he’s scared something’s going to happen. He’s going to go out of his mind when he finds I’m not there tomorrow. I left him a note explaining that I’m with you”. I try and take all of this in. “I’m sorry” Gavin says. “We were meant to be talking what’s going on for you, and I just went on and on about me. I just wanted you to know that I don’t think what you said is crazy… it’s a bit more extreme, I guess, than what I dealt with… but I know that sort of thing is very real”. Gavin bites his lip, looking deep in thought. “I had a suspicion that it was Stephen who put the note on Cyril’s back. He was making a joke about him and Cal. He’s not, like, homophobic or anything… but he was making a few comments to me. I didn’t ask him about it” “But he wouldn’t have hurt Aoife would he?”. Gavin shrugs. “I don’t know. Recently I’ve been feeling like I don’t even know him”. “Thanks for telling me all that, by the way. It makes me feel less alone” I say. Gavin smiles softly. “You’re never on your own" he replies.

Gavin and I stay where we are for the rest of the night. It’s pretty cold out here, but my jacket is warm and I can cope with it. I snuggle up to Gavin and we both manage to get to sleep. As I fall asleep, I wonder what Mum and Dad are going to think when they wake up in the morning and find me missing. Am I going to go home? I still don’t know. I don’t know what I want to do.

I wake up to dozens of missed phone calls from Mum, Dad and Cal. It’s ten in the morning now. I listen to a few of their voicemails. “Annaliese, we need you to come home. Please honey, we’re so worried. Whatever’s going on, we can fix it” Mum’s voice says. I listen to the most recent voicemail, left just half an hour ago. “Annaliese, please, please, let us know you’re safe. Something’s happened to Brooklyn. Please let us know where you are. We’re not mad at you. We just want you home” Dad’s voice says. “Something’s happened to Brooklyn” I say to Gavin. “What do you mean?” “My Dad just said something… I don’t know”. “My phone’s out of charge” Gavin says. “Look and see if there’s anything in the news”. I shakily get the news up on my phone and an article appears that makes my heart drop.

**15-year-old St Brendan’s student found stabbed outside her home**

I put my hand to my mouth. “Oh my gosh” I say. She’s not dead. She’s been stabbed in the shoulder but she’s being treated. It was at 4 o’clock this morning. Oh God, what the hell. “We need to get home” I say to Gavin, and then “But… everyone’s going to think I did this… what if I _did_ do it?” I start crying. “We’ve been here all-night Anna, there’s no way you did this. And the Guards will collect evidence. They’ll find out who’s responsible”.

Gavin and I get walking, and we split up once we get back to the station. He hugs me. “Let me know once you’re home and you’ve got your phone charging” I say. “I will. Let me know when you’re home safe too. I love you so much” “I love you too”.

I hurry off, going my usual way home from town through the countryside. It’s a bright morning and I can hear the sounds of nature all around me, along with the rhythmic drum of my sneakers against the mud path as I jog. My head feels so fuzzy though, and I’m losing energy quickly. I need to eat something. I should’ve got breakfast before heading home, but I just want to get to my parents. I should have phoned them back. I’m such an idiot.

I stop for a few moments to catch my breath. I don’t seem to be getting any nearer home, even though I’ve been riding for what feels like hours. I lean against a tree and pull out my phone. More and more missed calls from my parents and Cal. I go to call Mum back when suddenly something whacks me in the head. I hit the floor hard, landing on my back. I look up at the tall figure standing over me, but my vision blurs before I can see who it is.

I fall into unconsciousness.


	18. Chapter 18

I wake up in hospital. There’s a bright light being shone in my eyes, and I throw up violently. Mum and Dad are here. They are both panicking. My head is aching like mad. There seems to be some sort of dressing on my head. I remember being hit with something… on the way home. I remember Brooklyn. I remember everything Gavin told me. “Annaliese, my name is Doctor Rule” the doctor who was shining the light in my eyes says. “Can you hear me?” “Yeah” I respond. “Good. Good. You’re in hospital with a head injury. Can you remember what happened?” “I went out with my boyfriend in the middle of the night. I wasn’t feeling great. Then I was on my way home this morning. I saw the news, is Brooklyn ok?” I ask frantically. “She’s fine Anna. Let’s worry about _you_ ” Mum says, clasping hold of my hand. “You were found about twenty minutes from home. It looks like you were struck with something… You were with Gavin?” Mum asks. “Yeah… oh God, is he ok?” “I don’t know. What happened?” “I was on my way home. I stopped to phone you guys back cos I knew you were worried… and someone appeared beside me and hit me with something” “It wasn’t Gavin?” “No, he’d gone home. He went the opposite direction to me… but it was a guy. I couldn’t see who. I need to know if Gavin’s ok” “We’ve got your phone. Whoever it was didn’t steal anything from you”. I take my phone quickly. Missed calls from Gavin and a message. I open it up. It’s a screenshot of a message Stephen sent him.

_I got your note. I can’t believe you would run away with Annaliese. You’ve known her for two months and suddenly she’s more important to you than I am. I never wanted to be here. I want to be back in Carlisle where I’m not alone. But someone else is in our old house now. Someone else will be with Alcatza. That’s the spirit by the way. Yes, I saw him. And he only revealed his name to me. I was his favourite. I never admitted I’d seen him because he told me not to. But he was the best thing about my life. He gave me purpose and a friend to confide in. He would talk to me but he’d never talk to you or to Mum and Dad. They made me leave him, to come here. You were the next best thing, my little brother. But you’d rather be off with Annaliese, a girl you barely know and a girl who cheated on you. I’ve never treated you badly, I’ve never hurt you. But you’d rather spend time with her than me. That’s why I’m making those around her suffer. And now I’m going to make her suffer._

I show my parents the text. “We need to notify the Garda” Dad says. “Where’s Cal? Is _he_ ok?” I ask worriedly. “I had loads of missed calls from him”. “Cal’s just arrived. I told him you were here” Mum says. Thank God. “He was frantic. We realised you were missing first thing this morning. I phoned Cal and he went driving round looking for you, as did we. And when we saw the news about Brooklyn we were so scared” Mum says. “I’m so sorry. I was scared about everything, and I thought I should just run away. Gavin insisted on coming with me” “It’s ok. We’re not mad at you. We’re just so thankful that you’re okay” Mum says. “Are you still mad at Cal?” I ask. “No. No, we understand that this has been really difficult for both of you. He was only trying to do what he thought was best. He wanted to keep you safe, and he’s done so well at that throughout all this” “Does he think it was me who hurt Brooklyn?” “I don’t know. He didn’t say. But _we_ know it wasn’t. It’s Stephen who’s responsible for all this”. 

Dad goes to speak to the Garda. He comes back and looks relieved. “They’ve got Stephen. They found him about to throw himself off of Carter Street Bridge. Brooklyn told them it was Stephen who stabbed her. I just saw her Mum, and she said Stephen asked Brooklyn to meet him outside her house in the early morning, and he just pulled a knife on her. Thankfully it only got her shoulder, it could have been a lot worse. She’s doing okay”. I sigh in relief. “How are you feeling anyway?” Mum asks. “I’m ok… my head hurts like hell, but it’s alright”. The doctors do a CT scan on me to make sure everything is ok. Thankfully everything is good, but I have to stay in to be monitored until tomorrow. Mum goes and gets Cal. He looks exhausted, but relieved to see I’m okay. He hugs me tightly. “I’m so, so sorry” he says. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for” I reply, hugging him back.

The next day I get to go home from the hospital. Cal comes to spend the afternoon at ours. “Do you think the spirit possessed Stephen or that he was just driven mad by having to leave it?” I ask, as we have dinner. “I’m not sure” Cal replies. “But whoever’s moved into the house will find out soon enough. I’ll get in touch with the Minister from Stephen and Gavin’s old church and find out some information. There were obviously a few members of the congregation who were aware of the spirit, but they’re under the impression that it left. I’ve spoken to Gavin and Stephen’s parents and they told me they continued to see the spirit after the church prayed over the house, but they didn’t want to admit it. They were scared” Cal says. “Everyone thinks Stephen’s just lost it… I mean he _has_ , but it’s not all his fault. But the Guards will never believe the spirit is real, even with proof or the church’s word” I say. “Hopefully he’ll get some good help” Mum says. “But if he talks to anyone about what he went through, about the spirit… they’re just going to think he’s delusional, seeing things… it’s not fair” “It’s not” Cal agrees. But what can we do? This time there’s no going back in time, no getting rid of what’s happened. This is staying with us.

Gavin comes over a few days later and we sit in the garden on the swing seat. We sit in silence for a while, not really knowing what to say. “I should have known something was really wrong with Stephen” Gavin says, his voice hitching. “This isn’t your fault” I reply. Gavin sniffs, wiping his eyes. “My parents and I, we can’t even tell the hospital or the Guards that there really was a spirit. We’re having to lie. Otherwise everyone’s gonna think we’re crazy. I got to see Stephen yesterday but he wouldn’t even look at me. I’m the worst brother in the world, I should’ve got him to talk to me. I could’ve prevented all of this”. I shake my head. “No. No, whatever was in your house, it was powerful and it broke Stephen down. It chose to communicate with him. It influenced him. There’s really nothing you could’ve done”. Gavin sobs and I hold him close. I look up to the clouds in the sky and I see one shaped like a cross, just like before when we were in the park. I nudge Gavin gently and he looks up. He smiles softly when he sees the cross. A sense of peace fills my heart and I know Gavin feels it too. I squeeze his hand.


	19. Chapter 19

I head up to the church office. I find Cal and Cyril at their computers. “Hi love” Cyril says, waving and grinning. “Heya” Cal says. I give both of them a hug before taking a seat in one of the swivel chairs and spinning myself around a few times. I help both Cal and Cyril out with some work and we play a quick few rounds of Dobble before Cyril goes to get us all a takeaway from across the road. I give him my order and some money.

Once Cyril’s gone, I look at Cal. “I spoke to the Minister of Gavin and Stephen’s old church, St Bartholomew’s” he says. “His name’s Archie Ingram and he’s the son of the previous Minister, Francis Ingram. Francis is currently receiving end of life care due to terminal illness, so Archie’s understandably got his father as a priority right now. But the house is literally opposite the church, so he’s seen the family who have moved in. Problem is, he can’t just walk over there and suggest the house is haunted. He didn’t seem particularly convinced by what I told him, but he knows his father prayed over the house about ten years ago. I’ve left it in his hands to decide what the best course of action is. I’ve said I’m here to talk to him or offer advice, or even go over there if he needs any support. You don’t need to worry anymore” “I will though” “I know you will”. Cal puts his arm around me.

Cyril comes back with chips, seaweed, noodles, egg fried rice and prawn crackers. We eat and play some more Dobble. I look out of the window over the school. Sunlight is streaming in through the window. It illuminates the golden cross hanging on the wall and it sparkles.

_Thud._

Cal, Cyril and I turn to the source of the thud and a Bible has fallen from the shelf. I reach for it tentatively. It has fallen open in the book of Isaiah. My eyes are instantly drawn to Chapter 41, verse 10.

_Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand._

A wave of peace like never before floods over me. 

**_It’s going to be ok._ **


End file.
